This blog is comprised of Saint of the Week stories I have been writing for my youth groups in Rocky Mountain House and Sylvan Lake. Each week we act out the life of another saint in what is called a "Spontaneous Melodrama." Choose volunteer actors for each role in the story, then read the story, pausing when necessary to let the actors say their lines. This is a dynamic and fun way to learn the stories of the saints, although sometimes historical precision is sacrificed for flow. Feel free to try this in your group!

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

St Malachy

Malachy (Mal-a-k-eye), Pope Innocent II, Monks (3), abbot, barbarian hoard (5), more popes (5)

(enter monks, abbot, but not Malachy yet!)

Malachy lived in Ireland 900 years ago.  In those days the monks were under the leadership of an abbot who was very relaxed.  The monks would say, in their Irish accents "Abbot, is it time for prayers?" 

And the abbot would say "I don't care.  Don't bother.  Take a nap instead."

The monks would say "What if we all went off to the pub for a wee dram?"

And the abbot would say "I'm in!"  Then they would all get rip roaring drunk, and sing drinking songs about leprechauns.

(enter Malachy)

When Malachy became Bishop, he found the drunken men, and said "This is no way for men of the Church to behave!  Now smarten up!"  Then he took his Bishops Staff (crosier) in his hand, and he whacked the abbot with it.

The monks all smartened up and started chanting in Gregorian Chant.

(exit abbot, enter Barbarian hoard)

One day Malachy was trying to teach the monks a new chant about the importance of not laughing during prayer time. 

Suddenly, a barbarian hoard suddenly ran in, saying "get out Christians!"

  So Malachy and the monks ran away, but eventually they came back, and finding the barbarians drunk and dancing around bonfires, they baptized them and turned the Barbarians into Christians.

(Exit Barbarians, exit monks, enter Pope Innocent)

One day Malachy went to Rome to see the Pope, Pope Innocent II.  Pope Innocent said "Malachy, you're doing a great job."

Malachy knelt before the Pope , who placed 2 necklaces over Malachy's head, and said  "Take these as a sign of your great authority as an arch bishop!"

(Enter other popes)

Suddenly Malachy had a vision. In it he saw all the Popes who would ever be-  112 of them in total!

The Popes formed a congo line and did a little dance, while Malachy gave each one a nick name, saying things like "You are the Eclipse of the Sun!"  or "You are the glory of the Olives".  To the last Pope in line, Malachy said "You are Peter Romanus.  You will be the last Pope.  Then the world will end!"

The audience gasped, and the Popes congo lined their way off stage.  (Exit popes except Innocent) Only Pope Innocent II and Malachy were left. Pope Innocent II said "Malachy... let's not tell anyone else about your little vision, OK?"   And so it was written down but never published for 500 years.

Malachy died, and the stage was cleared, but the audience sat in rapt attention to hear what the narrator said next.

It is now 900 years since the days of Malachy. 111 popes have come and gone.  Pope Francis is number 112-  the last Pope in the prophecy!

The audience gasped and made impending doom music; " Dun, dun, dun.......!"

Afterwards, the narrator mentioned that it is largely believed that the prophecy is a hoax, written 500 years after Malachy.

So the prediction of Malachy was a load of Malarchy.