St Rita

St Rita

 

St Rita, Mom, dad, Paulo, Bernardo, Giovanni, Paulo Jr, Nuns (3), enemies (3)

 

(Enter Rita, Mom, Dad)

 

Rita was from Italy.  Oner day her mom and dad said to her in their best Italian accents;

 

"Rita!  We have a surprise for you!"

 

"What is it?" Rita asked.  She was so excited, she bounced up and down and clapped her hands)

 

Her parents said "We have a husband for you!"

 

(Enter Paulo)

 

In strode Paulo Mancini.  Paulo was rich and good-looking.  All the girls in the audience said “Ooh la la!”

(Enter enemies)

But he was bad tempered, and he had many enemies.  The enemies walked by, growling at Paulo, who growled back.

(Exit enemies)

Her parents said, "You will marry Paulo!" 

Paulo put his arm around her shoulders

Rita began to cry.  She said, "But I don't want to get married!  I want to be a nun!  Besides, I am only 12!"

Paulo nervously raised his hands and backed away, saying "I honestly had no idea."

But her father said, "Nonsense! This is the way we do things!"

Paulo pumped his fist and said "Yes! I love the middle ages!"

Rita said "By that, do you mean medieval times?"

Paulo looked around shiftily and said, "Yes. Yes, I do."

 

(Exit parents)

 

And so Rita and Paulo were married, and Paulo carried Rita across the threshold of their new home.

 

But Paulo was always mean to Rita, saying "Woman! Make me my dinner, and it better be good, or you are going to get a smack down!"

 

Rita always remained sweet and loving to Paulo, and would say sweetly. "Yes, loverbuns! Would you like me to massage your feet while you eat?"

 

Eventually, Paulo became a better man, and said "Rita, because of you, I have discovered the love of God!"  

 

(Enter Giovanni and Paulo Jr.)

 

Paulo and Rita had two sons, Giovanni and Paulo Jr.  And the four of them were a very happy family! They all had a group hug.

 

(Enter enemies)

 

But Paulo's enemies didn't care. One day they came to the house and growled "Come out and fight like a Mancini!"

 

Paulo said "No, I don't want to fight."

 

(Enter Bernardo)

 

Paulo's Brother, Bernardo, came and said, "C'mon Paulo, let's fight, or they will think we are pansies!"

 

Paulo said, "I refuse to fight.  I am a new man." The audience applauded.

 

One day his enemies killed Paulo, stabbing him with a sword.  Then they ran away.  

 

(Exit enemies, Paulo)

 

Bernardo and the two sons cried together, "Vendetta! We will avenge the death of Paulo!"

 

But Rita said, "No!  I forgive them for what they did. There will be no Vendetta!"

 

Bernardo said, "You made a pansy out of Paulo. Will you make a pansy out of your sons?  C'mon boys, let's get them!" And Bernardo and the two boys rode off on their horses, yipping and hollering as they went.

 

(Exit Bernardo, Paulo Jr, Giovanni)

 

Rita, meanwhile, fell to her knees and said, "Dear Jesus!  Please don't let my sons become murderers!  Instead, let them die first!"

 

(Enter Giovanni, Paulo Jr.)

 

Sure enough, Giovanni and Paulo Jr both became sick with dysentery, meaning they had permanent diarrhea.  They groaned, doubled over, and made diarrhea sounds. They both died.

(Exit Giovanni and Paulo Jr., enter Nuns)

 

After that, Rita decided that she would finally become a nun.  But the other nuns said, "No, not unless you can make peace between your family and the family of your enemies!"

 

(Enter Bernardo, enemies)

 

So Rita got Bernardo and her enemies together, and they all had a group hug, while they sang the Barney song. (I love you, you love me, we're a happy family)

(Exit Bernardo, enemies)

 

Then, by a miracle, Rita appeared suddenly in the convent, and so the nuns accepted her.

 

St Rita later got the stigmata, a wound of Christ in her forehead, and her body is incorrupt.

 

St Rita-

 

Pray for us!