St Athanasius

 Cast- Athanasius, friends (3), Bishop Alexander, Arius, Emperor Constantine, Bishops (2), Pope Julius, Pope Damasus, Pope Pius V

(Enter Athanasius, Friends)

There once was a boy named Athanasius, who lived in Alexandria, Egypt.  Being an Egyptian, Athanasius walked like an Egyptian, while the audience sang the song “Walk like an Egyptian”.  

One day while playing with his friends, Athanasius was pretending to be a Bishop, and was dunking his friends under water, saying “I baptize you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

(Enter Bishop Alexander)

Bishop Alexander saw their game, and laughed, and said “Congratulations!  You just baptized them for real! Now you are all Christians!”   Then the Bishop took Athanasius aside and said “I think you should become a priest!” 

(Exit Friends)

So Athanasius became a priest, lying on his face in front of the Bishop for his ordination.  Everyone cheered! Eventually he even became a Bishop! Bishop Alexander gave him a high five, saying "What up, Bish?"

(Exit Bishop Alexander, Enter Arius)

But there was another guy in town called Arius.  Arius told everyone “Jesus is not really God, you know. He was made by God.”

Athanasius said “Nu-uh, he is God!”

Arius said “Is not”

Athanasius “Is so!”

(Enter Constantine) 

This went on for some time, with Arius repeating “not- not- not” and Athanasius repeating “So-so-so” until finally Emperor Constantine said “Enough! Let’s get all the bishops together in Nicea to solve this problem.”

Athanasius said “Nicea? I hear it’s Nicea there this time of year!”  Then he tried to get a high five for his pun, but no one gave him one.

(Enter Bishops)

At the council of Nicea, all the bishops agreed that the Trinity is real, saying together "We Believe that Jesus is God from God, Light from Light, True God from True God, Consubstantial with the Father, Begotten not made."

But Arius was mad. He held his breath and turned red until smoke came out his ears.  He said to Constantine “Athanasius is being a bully, and he’s hogging all of Egypt's grain.” 

So Constantine said “Athanasius, stop being a bully.  For that you are banished.”  

So Athanasius sadly walked off the stage.

(Exit Athanasius)

But then everyone else walked off the stage,

(Clear the stage)

 and since Athanasius is our main character, there was an awkward moment where no one was on stage.

(Enter Athanasius)

So Athanasius came back on stage, 

(Enter Emperor)

but the emperor came back and said “Nope… still banished.” And Athanasius left again.

This went on for some time, with Athanasius coming back on the stage and getting kicked off again by the emperor.  Finally the emperor let him stay, and Athanasius said “Can’t we all just get along?”

(Enter bishops)

The other Bishops shook their heads, and said "No, Arius was right!  Jesus was not God! Athanasius should be banished!"

(Enter Pope Julius)

But Pope Julius said  "No!  Athanasius is the legitimate bishop of Alexandria, and he is right!"

(Enter Pope Damasus) 

Pope Damasus said "Darn tootin!  Athanasius is a defender of the faith!"

The audience said "Athanasius is a saint!"

(Enter Pope Pius V)

Pope Pius V said "He's not only a saint, he's a doctor of the church!"

All three popes, who did not actually live at the same time, patted Athanasius on the back and said "Good work, m'boy!"

St Athanasius-   Pray for us!