St Andre Bessette

St Andre

Andre, brothers and sisters (5), dad, mom, priest, head of the congregation, sick people (2) , more sick people (5), monks (3).

(Enter Andre)

Andre was originally called Alfred.  He lived near Montreal, so he always said things with a French Canadian accent.   He would say things like “I lurve to eat my Poutine, eh?”  and “Celine Dion’s voice is as sweet as a sugar shack.”

(enter brothers and sisters, mom and dad)

Alfred had lots of brothers and sisters.  They lived with his mom and dad, and they were very poor. But they love each other very much, and they would all join hands and sing the Barney song together.

One day a tree fell on his dad, and his dad died.  Then his mom caught tuberculosis, coughed like crazy, and died.  So Andre and his siblings were all orphans. They cried and hugged each other tight, while their bodies still shuddered from the sorrow.

The narrator said in a French accent “It is not orphan that you see so many orphans.”  The family left the stage, shaking their heads at the bad pun.

(Exit mom, dad, brothers, sisters.  Enter priest)

Alfred was often seen praying in the Church, and his priest noticed how holy he was.  So the priest said “Alfred, I think you should become a monk!  Here, take this note to the Congregation of the Holy Cross.”

(Exit priest, enter monks, head of the congregation)

The Congregation of the Holy Cross was a group of monks.  They walked in circles, singing in Gregorian chant. The narrator intoned the words, and the monks repeated them.  The words were "Ay-a otgay asgay"  Which is pig latin for "I got gas".

When Alfred got there, the head of the congregation read the note, which said “I am sending you a saint.”   But the head of the Congregation said “You look little and sick.  We can’t afford to take sick people, I’m sorry.” 

The crowd said "Awe."  And Alfred made his best pouty puppy dog face. After a while the head of the Congregation “Ok, fine, you can join.  You can be the guy who answers the door.”  Alfred was so excited he went from being a pouty happy dog to being a hyper puppy dog, and he licked the heads of the congregations hand.

The monks sang "Ew-ay, uckyay!"

(exit monks and head of the congregation, enter sick.)

Alfred became known as Brother Andre.  He would go to the chapel, and take some oil from a lamp burning in honour of St Joseph.  Then he would go to the house of the sick, and he would rub some oil on them, and say ‘pray to St Joseph, and he will heal you.”  The sick people would do their prayers, and then yell “I’m healed!  It’s a miracle!”

Soon sick people and more sick people were lining up to see Brother Andre, to get him to pray for them. 

(Enter head of the congregation)

The head of the congregation said “Wow, there are way too many sick people here-  Andre, you  need to start meeting people at the train station!”  So Andre did, and even more people were healed!

(Enter the other monks)

Eventually the other monks got nervous about Andre’s growing reputation.  One said “I think he’s a fake!”  Another said “He’s a quack”.  A third said “This will be bad for our reputation if people discover that he is faking these cures.”

But Brother Andre said “I’m not the one doing the curing.  God is, through the intercession of St Joseph.”

So many of the sick were cured, that they built a great big Church in honour of St Joseph in Montreal.  It is the largest Church in Canada, and one of the largest in the world!  The audience applauded politely.

When Blessed Andre died, over 1 million people came to his funeral.  His heart was kept as a relic in the Church.  It was stolen for a while, but was recovered.

St Andre-  Pray for us!