Francis Assisi and the Sultan

 Francis, Franciscans (3) Illuminato, Crusaders (3), Muslims (3), Sultan

(This is not an account of the entire life of St Francis, only of a key moment in his life.)

(Enter Francis)

There once was a man named Francis of Assisi. Francis was rich, charming, and good looking. He struck a pose, and all the girls in the audience whistled at him.

Francis was also a warrior, and rode his horse into battle, making his unique battle cry.

But then Francis had a conversion!  He gave away all his money, and lived as a friar, kind of like a monk, chanting as he walked.

(Enter Franciscans and Illuminato)

Francis became so holy that soon other men and women, called Franciscans, gathered around him to live like him.

 One of the Franciscans was named Illuminato.  Illuminato made a triangle with his hands and put it around his eye, but most people didn't get it, so the narrator went on with the story.

(Exit Franciscans)

One day Francis was talking to Illuminato, and he said "Did you hear about the Crusade that's happening in Egypt right now?"

Illuminato shook his head and said "It's not going well for the Christians."

Francis nodded gravely. "It seems they are in denial." Francis paused for the audience to laugh, but none of them knew their history or their geography, so no one did. Suddenly some of the audience members got it, so they showed off by laughing loudly and obnoxiously.

Francis said "I have an idea. Let's go to Egypt, and cross the lines into Muslim territory, and preach to the Sultan! If he converts to Christianity, we will win the entire country of Egypt."

Illuminato nodded, and said "I see absolutely no flaws in this plan." So together they rode off to Egypt. 

(Enter Crusaders on one side of the stage, Muslims on the other side)

The Muslims and Crusaders were engaged in a silent, slow motion battle. Francis and Illuminato strolled right past the Crusaders. 

(Exit Crusaders)

When they got to the Muslim line, the Muslims drew swords on them and said "Where do you think you're going, Christians?" 

Illuminato peed his pants.

But Francis put up his hands and said "We come in peace. We want to speak to the Sultan!"

(Enter Sultan)

When Francis met the Sultan, he said "God loves you, and he wants you to love him back."

The Sultan said "We serve God too!"  Suddenly all of the Muslims faced east and bowed to the ground in prayer. The Sultan said "See, we do this 5 times a day!" The Muslims stood up again.

Francis nodded, impressed. "I thought you guys were really awful heathens!"

The Sultan laughed, and said "That's what we thought about you! But you Franciscans have impressed me. I promise that when we win this war, we will treat Christians well in Egypt."

So Francis and the Sultan shook hands, and then Francis and Illuminato went on their way.

(Exit Francis and Illuminato. Enter Franciscans)

Years later, Franciscans came to Jerusalem. They were confronted by the Muslims and the Sultan. The Sultan said "Hey, where are you going? No Christians allowed!"

But the Franciscans said "We are Franciscan friars..."

The Sultan said "Franciscans!  Oh, in that case, come on in!  In fact, you guys can be the official tour guides for any Christians who want to come here!"

And to this day Franciscans still have responsibility for many of the holy sites in Israel.

St Francis of Assisi, pray for us!