This blog is comprised of Saint of the Week stories I have been writing for my youth groups in Rocky Mountain House and Sylvan Lake. Each week we act out the life of another saint in what is called a "Spontaneous Melodrama." Choose volunteer actors for each role in the story, then read the story, pausing when necessary to let the actors say their lines. This is a dynamic and fun way to learn the stories of the saints, although sometimes historical precision is sacrificed for flow. Feel free to try this in your group!

Wednesday, February 26, 2025

Jezebel

 Jezebel

This is a bible story- not a saint story!

Jezebel, Ahab, Prophets of Ba-al (3) , Elijah, Jehu, Horses (2), Dogs(2), servants(2), Naboth, scum bags (2), Phoenicians

(Enter Jezebel, Phoenicians)

There once was a woman named Jezebel. Jezebel was a Phoenician.  Phoenicians invented the alphabet!  So Jezebel and the Phoenicians spent their days, singing the alphabet. They also invented purple die. Jezebel and the Phoenicians would go to the sea, find a particular sea snail, and squeeze the mucus out of it to die their clothes.

(Enter Ahab)

One day, Ahab came to town. Ahab was the king of Israel, and Jezebel knew that if she impressed him she could get a lot of power. So she said to the Phoenicians "Quick, get me a snail!"

The Phoenicians brought her a snail. and she squeezed it's mucus out, and rubbed it on her eyes.  Then she approached Ahab, and batted her beautiful painted eyes, and said "Hey there big boy. Are you looking for a lover? Because I'm available!"

Ahab could not believe his luck!  Even though he was the king, he was a weak man. So he said "Yes, my love. You will be my queen."

Jezebel cackled like a witch.

(Exit Phoenicians.)

But Jezebel said "listen, Ahab, Phoenicians don't worship the LORD. We worship Ba-al. Let me bring my prophets of Ba-al."

Ahab said "Yes, my love."

(Enter prophets of Ba-al)

The prophets of Ba-al came, and they danced around in circles, singing pagan songs of praise to Ba'al.

(Enter Elijah)

Elijah said "Ba-al is a false god with no power!"

The prophets of Ba-al said "Oh no you didn't! Ba-al has way more power than your God!"

So they decided to have a show down.

The prophets of Ba-al danced with more and more enthusiasm, calling for fire to come, but nothing happened.

Elijah laughed and said "C'mon prophets! Dance harder! Maybe he can't hear you! Maybe he's sleeping! Maybe he's on the toilet!"

The prophets of Ba-al said "Fine Elijah, show us what your God can do."

Elijah grinned. He said "Lord! Reveal your power!"

Suddenly a fire ball came down from heaven! The audience provided the sound affects.

The prophets of Ba-al trembled with fear, and Ahab said "Kill those false prophets!" 

So audience threw rocks at them until they died.

(Exit prophets of Ba-al)

But Jezebel said "What have you done!" Pointing a finger at Elijah she said "I'll get you, my pretty- and your little dog too!" Then she cackled like a witch, while Elijah ran away.

(Exit Elijah, Enter Naboth)

Some time later, Ahab was talking to a man called Naboth.  Ahab said "you have a nice vineyard. Can I buy it from you?"

But Naboth said "Sorry, it's not for sale."

(Exit Naboth)

Ahab was pouting because he couldn't get the vineyard. 

Jezebel looked at him in disgust and said "Are you the king or not? I'll get you that vineyard."

So she called for the scumbags.

(Enter scumbags)

Jezebel said "Here's what I want you to do." Then she whispered something, and then cackled like a witch.

The Scumbags rubbed their hands together and cackled as well.

(Exit Jezebel, enter Naboth) 

So the scumbags brought Naboth before the audience, and said "This man committed treason against the king and cursed the LORD!"

Naboth looked bewildered and said "No I didn't!"

But the audience booed, and threw rocks at him until he was dead. 

(Exit scumbags, Naboth, enter Jezebel and Ahab.)

Jezebel said "See, now you can have your vineyard!"

Ahab was so excited, he did a dance, while Jezebel cackled like a witch.

Then Ahab died.

(Exit Ahab, enter Jehu)

Jehu said "I have come to bring justice on the house of Ahab!  I will kill everyone in his family!"

The audience cheered. Someone said "Wow, the Bible is so violent!"

Jezebel screamed, and ran to a castle to protect herself. She painted her eyes again, and looked out the window at Jehu and said in her most attractive voice "Hey there king slayer! Are you looking for me?"

But Jehu said "If anyone is on my side, throw her down!"

(Enter servants)

Two servants grabbed Jezebel, and threw her out the window. She screamed and fell to her death.

(Enter horses and dogs)

While her body was lying there, horses trampled on her, and Dogs came and ate her body.

Jehu became the next king of Israel.





Friday, February 7, 2025

Athaliah

 Athaliah (G), Jezebel (G) , Ahab (B), Joram (B), Ahaziah (B), Elijah (B), Elisha (B), new kings (2B), Jehu (B), rest of the family (3), servants (3), dogs (2), Joash (B), Jehosheba (G), priest

(Enter Athaliah)

Once upon a time, there was a princess, named Athaliah. Athaliah flitted about like a delicate princess and sang a song to the passing birds.

(Enter Ahab, Jezebel, and Ahaziah)

Her father, Ahab, was the king of Samaria. He was a weak and sniveling man, who said to everyone "Whatever you want, dear."

Jezebel was a very beautiful and powerful Phoenician woman. She traipsed around in her lovely, purple robes, and she wore jewels, and lots and lots of makeup.  But she was evil. She said "Everyone must worship Baal! Kill the prophets of God!"  Then she cackled like a witch.

Seeing her mother cackle, Athaliah imitated her, and cackled herself.

(Enter Elijah and Elisha) One day two prophets confronted the royal family.  Elijah said, "God will punish you for your evil ways!"

Elisha shook his fist and said "Yeah!  What he said!"

Suddenly Elijah was taken away in a whirlwind. (Exit Elijah)

Seeing that his friend was gone, Elisha looked sheepish and said "Um, excuse me." and snuck away.

(Exit Elisha, Enter Joram)

King Ahab said "Athaliah, I have a husband for you!  This is King Joram of Jerusalem!"

Joram flexed and tried to impress the princess, but when he looked at her, he was amazed and how beautiful she was. He stared at her, and said "you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!  How my lips long to kiss yours!"

But Athaliah moved away from him, and looked at Jezebel and said "Mom, seriously?"

But Jezebel said "Marry him! Then I'll be queen of Samaria, and you'll be queen of Jerusalem!  We'll be unstoppable!"

The two women cackled together.

King Ahab said "Wonderful! It's all arranged then."

To celebrate their union, Athaliah and Joram danced a traditional wedding dance together.

But it was not all sunshine and rainbows. Elijah's curse started taking affect!

First Ahab went to war, doing his weak man battle cry.  He was shot in the back with an arrow and bled to death in his chariot.

(Exit Ahab)

Then, Athaliah's brother Ahaziah fell from a roof, and died of his injuries.

(Exit Ahaziah)

Then her husband, Joram, got some sort of bowel disease. He pooped and pooped and pooped until he was all pooped out. He pooped himself to death.

  (Exit Joram. Enter new kings, Jehu, rest of the family)

Samaria and Jerusalem both appointed new kings, and everyone started chanting 'Love live the kings!'

(Enter Elisha) But Elisha came back.  He went over to Jehu, whispered something, and gave him a blessing.  Jehu went on a rampage!  First, he killed one king, then another. The rest of the family ran off and hid.

(Exit everyone but Jezebel. Enter servants)

Jezebel made it to a city, and went up into a high tower, protected by her servants. 

(Enter Jehu) Jehu came ride in on his chariot, driving like a maniac. 

Jezebel put on her eye makeup, made herself look beautiful, and looked out the window. She said "Hey there big boy! Are you looking for me?"

But Jehu called to the servants and said "Hey!  Which of you are on my side?"

All three servants raised their hands. 

Jehu said, "Throw that woman out the window!"

So, the servants did. Jezebel fell to her death. 

The smartest kid in the audience said, "it's a classic example of defenestration".

(Enter dogs)

Dogs came in and ate Jezebels body, everything but the hands.

Jehu flexed and said, "Now I'm the king of Samaria!"

(Exit everyone, enter Athaliah, Rest of family, Joash and Jehosheba)

But the rest of the family all shrugged and said, "But who will be king of Jerusalem?"

Athaliah cackled and said "I will be Queen!  I'll kill you all!"

The rest of the family gasped and said, "But you're our grandma!"

Meanwhile, Jehosheba picked up baby Joash, and carried him away. 

(Exit Jehosheba and Joash)

Queen Athaliah killed the rest of the family, then said "I am Queen of Jerusalem!"

The audience gasped.

Athaliah cackled and was an evil queen.

(Exit Athaliah, enter priest and Joash.)

Six years later, a priest introduced Joash to the audience. The priest said, "This child is the true king of Jerusalem!"

The crowd cheered, and started chanting "Long live the king!"

(Enter Athaliah) But when Athaliah heard the commotion, she came into the temple and said "What is this! This is treason!"

(Enter servants)

But the priest pointed at Athaliah and said, "Arrest this usurper!"

The servants grabbed Athaliah, and dragged her out of the temple, and chopped her head off.

Joash became king and was an ancestor of Jesus.