Jezebel

 Jezebel

This is a bible story- not a saint story!

Jezebel, Ahab, Prophets of Ba-al (3) , Elijah, Jehu, Horses (2), Dogs(2), servants(2), Naboth, scum bags (2), Phoenicians

(Enter Jezebel, Phoenicians)

There once was a woman named Jezebel. Jezebel was a Phoenician.  Phoenicians invented the alphabet!  So Jezebel and the Phoenicians spent their days, singing the alphabet. They also invented purple die. Jezebel and the Phoenicians would go to the sea, find a particular sea snail, and squeeze the mucus out of it to die their clothes.

(Enter Ahab)

One day, Ahab came to town. Ahab was the king of Israel, and Jezebel knew that if she impressed him she could get a lot of power. So she said to the Phoenicians "Quick, get me a snail!"

The Phoenicians brought her a snail. and she squeezed it's mucus out, and rubbed it on her eyes.  Then she approached Ahab, and batted her beautiful painted eyes, and said "Hey there big boy. Are you looking for a lover? Because I'm available!"

Ahab could not believe his luck!  Even though he was the king, he was a weak man. So he said "Yes, my love. You will be my queen."

Jezebel cackled like a witch.

(Exit Phoenicians.)

But Jezebel said "listen, Ahab, Phoenicians don't worship the LORD. We worship Ba-al. Let me bring my prophets of Ba-al."

Ahab said "Yes, my love."

(Enter prophets of Ba-al)

The prophets of Ba-al came, and they danced around in circles, singing pagan songs of praise to Ba'al.

(Enter Elijah)

Elijah said "Ba-al is a false god with no power!"

The prophets of Ba-al said "Oh no you didn't! Ba-al has way more power than your God!"

So they decided to have a show down.

The prophets of Ba-al danced with more and more enthusiasm, calling for fire to come, but nothing happened.

Elijah laughed and said "C'mon prophets! Dance harder! Maybe he can't hear you! Maybe he's sleeping! Maybe he's on the toilet!"

The prophets of Ba-al said "Fine Elijah, show us what your God can do."

Elijah grinned. He said "Lord! Reveal your power!"

Suddenly a fire ball came down from heaven! The audience provided the sound affects.

The prophets of Ba-al trembled with fear, and Ahab said "Kill those false prophets!" 

So audience threw rocks at them until they died.

(Exit prophets of Ba-al)

But Jezebel said "What have you done!" Pointing a finger at Elijah she said "I'll get you, my pretty- and your little dog too!" Then she cackled like a witch, while Elijah ran away.

(Exit Elijah, Enter Naboth)

Some time later, Ahab was talking to a man called Naboth.  Ahab said "you have a nice vineyard. Can I buy it from you?"

But Naboth said "Sorry, it's not for sale."

(Exit Naboth)

Ahab was pouting because he couldn't get the vineyard. 

Jezebel looked at him in disgust and said "Are you the king or not? I'll get you that vineyard."

So she called for the scumbags.

(Enter scumbags)

Jezebel said "Here's what I want you to do." Then she whispered something, and then cackled like a witch.

The Scumbags rubbed their hands together and cackled as well.

(Exit Jezebel, enter Naboth) 

So the scumbags brought Naboth before the audience, and said "This man committed treason against the king and cursed the LORD!"

Naboth looked bewildered and said "No I didn't!"

But the audience booed, and threw rocks at him until he was dead. 

(Exit scumbags, Naboth, enter Jezebel and Ahab.)

Jezebel said "See, now you can have your vineyard!"

Ahab was so excited, he did a dance, while Jezebel cackled like a witch.

Then Ahab died.

(Exit Ahab, enter Jehu)

Jehu said "I have come to bring justice on the house of Ahab!  I will kill everyone in his family!"

The audience cheered. Someone said "Wow, the Bible is so violent!"

Jezebel screamed, and ran to a castle to protect herself. She painted her eyes again, and looked out the window at Jehu and said in her most attractive voice "Hey there king slayer! Are you looking for me?"

But Jehu said "If anyone is on my side, throw her down!"

(Enter servants)

Two servants grabbed Jezebel, and threw her out the window. She screamed and fell to her death.

(Enter horses and dogs)

While her body was lying there, horses trampled on her, and Dogs came and ate her body.

Jehu became the next king of Israel.