Clement, Linus, Cletus, Peter, Roman Guards (3), hooligans (3) prisoners (3) lamb
Clement used to hang out with his friends, Linus and Cletus, playing soccer in Rome. Being Italian, Clement corrected the narrator, saying "It's called Football!" The Narrator corrected Clement back and said "The sport hasn't even been invented yet. Probably you were just kicking a gourd around."
(Enter Peter)
They were devoted followers of Peter, the apostle and bishop of Rome.
Linus said "Tell us again about the time you walked on water!"
The audience said "Yes, Peter, tell us!"
But Peter said "Some other time boys. Right now I have to be martyred."
(Enter Roman Guards).
In marched 3 roman guards, who arrested Peter and nailed him to a cross. Peter said "what an honour, to die like Jesus did!"
So the guards turned him upside down. Peter died, and was buried on a hill called Vatican outside of Rome.
(Peter leave)
The audience said "Now Linus is the Pope!"
Linus said "Good grief!" as the guards arrested him, and killed him. He was buried beside Peter.
(Linus leave)
The audience said "Now Cletus is the Pope!"
Cletus said in best hillbilly voice "I will try to live up to the dignity of my name!"
But the roman guards arrested him and killed him too. He was buried beside Linus.
(Cletus leave)
The audience said "Now Clement is Pope!"
Clement said "Guys, not so loud! It didn't go so well for the previous 3 popes!"
But fortunately the guards didn't notice, because they were busy playing Croquet.
Clement said "Seriously? Was croquet even invented yet?"
The narrator said "No, they were just hitting around a stuffed sheeps' bladder with sticks. Now, stop interrupting."
(Enter hooligans)
Suddenly the sheep bladder hitting game was interrupted by a group of hooligans, behaving hooliganishly. The Roman Guards said "What is the meaning of this?"
The hooligans pointed at Clement and said "It's the Christians! They're causing trouble!"
So the guards arrested Clement, and brought him to Crimea, to work in a marble-quarry. Before Clement could ask, the narrator pointed out that the modern game of marbles was invented in the 1800's in Germany, although there is evidence that ancient Romans and Egyptians played similar games. The audience nodded, appreciative of the valuable knowledge they were obtaining.
(Hooligans leave. Prisoners enter)
At the marble-quarry, Clement found the prisoners working hard with pickaxes, chopping at the rock. The prisoners were very tired and thirsty from their work. They said "If only there was a source of water that was less than 6 miles away!"
So Clement prayed and said "Dear God, please let me find water!"
(Enter lamb)
Suddenly he noticed a lamb pawing at the ground. Clement took his pickaxe and struck the spot the lamb had indicated, and water bubbled up! He was so happy he kissed the lamb on the nose!
(Exit Lamb)
The prisoners rejoiced, saying "Yay! From now on we will all be Christians like Clement!"
But one of the prioners said "If only there was a source of vodka that was less than 12 miles away."
Clement said "Nice try."
So Clement and the prisoners continued their work, singing praise songs to Jesus as they did.
The roman guards looked at each other and said "Great, now all the prisoners are Christian! Let's jsut kill Clement."
So they tied an anchor to Clements neck, and threw him into the Black Sea.
St Clement, Pope and Martyr- Pray for us!
