St John Vianney

John, mom, Dad, revolutionaries/soldiers (3), Priest, Napoleon, 1st deserter, other deserters (2), parishioners (3)

(Enter John, parents, Revolutionaries)

When John was a little kid, there was a revolution in France.  Revolutionaries would run through the streets, yelling with ridiculous French accents "La Liberty!"  "Fraternity!"  and "Kill all the priests and rich people you see! Chop off their heads!"

(Enter Priest)

So John and his parents had to sneak around to grow as Catholics.  The priest would sneak to a pub, where John and his family would meet, and they would secretly hold Mass, while the Revolutionaries would run through the audience randomly accusing people of being enemies of the revolution.

(Enter Napoleon)

Then one day a guy named Napoleon took over. Napoleon was short, and tried to hide it by always standing on his tip toes.  Napoleon always spoke with a ridiculous french accent. He said "I'm in charge here! No more chopping off peoples heads!"

The revolutionaries said "awww!"

Napoleon said "It's ok-  we'll go to war with everyone in Europe and kill them instead!"

The revolutionaries said "Yay!"  and jumped up and down, clapping their hands in glee.

Napoleon said "Oh, and by the way, it's not illegal to be Catholic anymore!"

John and his family and the priest all said "Yay!" and jumped up and down, clapping their hands in glee.

John said "Now I can study to become a priest myself!"

But Napoleon said "No you can't.  I need you in my army!"

John said "awww." and made a pouty face.

Then Napoleon yelled "To Spain!" So Napoleon and his soldiers and John all rode off on their imaginary horses, yipping and hollering as they went.

(Exit priest and parents)

But while they were riding, they passed a church.  John said "You guys go ahead!  I'm going to pray here for a minute-  I will catch up!"

(Exit Napoleon, Soldiers)

So John stopped to pray, but when he was done, he looked around and said "hey-  where did they go?"  Then he began to sing "I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me..."

(Enter 1st deserter)

Just then a deserter walked by.  John said "Do you know which way the soldiers went?"

The desserter said "Sure thing, follow me!"  The deserter led him to a barn where other deserters were hiding.

(Enter other deserters)

John said " I wasn't trying to desert! If the soldiers catch us, they will kill us for running away!"

Just then, they heard Napoleon say "Come out come out wherever you are!"

John and the deserters hid in rotting hay bales.

(Enter Napoleon, soldiers)

The soldiers passed by, without seeing the deserters.  One of the deserters was so scared he wet himself!

(Exit Napoleon, soldiers, deserters, enter parishioners, family)

Eventually, John did become a priest.  His parishioners   were all impressed by how holy he was!  In fact they would all line up to go to confession to him!  Sometimes John would hear confessions for 16 hours straight!

John Vianney died at the age of 73.

St John Vianney-  Pray for us!

St Rita

St Rita

 

St Rita, Mom, dad, Paulo, Bernardo, Giovanni, Paulo Jr, Nuns (3), enemies (3)

 

(Enter Rita, Mom, Dad)

 

Rita was from Italy.  When she was 12 years old, her mom and dad said to her in their best Italian accents;

 

"Rita!  We have a surprise for you!"

 

"What is it?" Rita asked.  She was so excited, she bounced up and down and clapped her hands)

 

Her parents said "We have a husband for you!"

 

(Enter Paulo, enemies)

 

In strode Paulo Mancini.  Paulo was rich and good looking.  All the girls in the audience said “Ooh la la!” But  he was bad tempered, and he had many enemies.  The enemies walked by, growling at Paulo, who growled back, then the enemies left the stage.

 

Rita began to cry.  She said "But I don't want to get married!  I want to be a nun!  Besides, I am only 12!"

 

Her father said "Nonsense!  This is the way we do things!"

 

(Exit parents)

 

And so Rita and Paulo were married, and Paulo carried Rita across the threshold of their new home.

 

But Paulo was always mean to Rita, saying "Woman!  Make me my dinner, and it better be good, or you are going to get a smack down!"

 

Rita always remained sweet and loving to Paulo, and would say sweetly.  "Yes, loverbuns!  Would you like me to massage your feet while you eat?"

 

Eventually, Paulo became a better man, and said "Rita, because of you, I have discovered the love of God!"  

 

(enter Giovanni and Paulo Jr.)

 

Paulo and Rita had ywo sons, Giovanni and Paulo Jr.  And the four of them were a very happy family!  They all had a group hug.

 

(Enter enemies)

 

But Paulo's enemies didn't care.  One day they came to the house and growled "Come out and fight like a Mancini!"

 

Paulo said "No, I don't want to fight."

 

(Enter Bernardo)

 

Paulo's Brother, Bernardo, came and said "C'mon Paulo, let's fight, or they will think we are pansies!"

 

Paulo said "I refuse to fight.  I am a new man."  The audience applauded.

 

One day his enemies killed Paulo, stabbing him with a sword.  Then they ran away.  

 

(Exit enemies, Paulo)

 

Bernardo and the two sons cried together  "Vendetta!  We will avenge the death of Paulo!"

 

But Rita said "No!  I forgive them for what they did.  There will be no Vendetta!"

 

Bernardo said "You made a pansy out of Paulo.  Will you make a pansy out of your sons?  C'mon boys, let's get them!"  And Bernardo and the two boys rode off on their horses, yipping and hollering as they went.

 

(Exit Bernardo, Paulo Jr, Giovanni)

 

Rita meanwhile fell to her knees and said "Dear Jesus!  Please don't let my sons become murderers!  Instead let them die first!"

 

(Enter Giovanni, Paulo Jr.)

 

Sure enough, Giovanni and Paulo Jr both became sick with dysentery, meaning they had permanent diarrhea.  They groaned, and doubled over, and made diarrhea sounds. They both died.

 

(Exit Giovanni and Paulo Jr., enter Nuns)

 

After that Rita decided that she would finally become a nun.  But the other nuns said "No, not unless you can make peace between your family and the family of your enemies!"

 

(Enter Bernardo, enemies)

 

So Rita got Bernardo and her enemies together, and they all had a group hug, while they sang the Barney song. (I love you, you love me, we're a happy family)

 

Then by a miracle, Rita appeared suddenly in the convent, and so the nuns accepted her.

 

St Rita later got the stigmata, a wound of Christ in her forehead, and her body is incorrupt.

 

St Rita-

 

Pray for us!

St Valentine

Cast:  Valentine, Claudius, Christians (1b,1g), Roman Guards, judge, judges daughter

St Valentine was a priest who lived near Rome in the 3rd century.

(Enter Claudius)

The emperor in those days was a man named Claudius.  Claudius said "It is illegal to be a Christian!  Any Christians are to be arrested!"

(Enter Valentine, Christians, Roman Guards)

So St Valentine and the other Christians would have to sneak around on their tippy toes, trying not to get noticed by the Roman Guards. The roman guards just marched around all the time, looking for Christians.

Sometimes Christians would even sneak up to Valentine and say "Fr. Valentine, we want to be married."

So Valentine would officiate at their wedding, while the guards just kept marching by not noticing what was happening.

So very quietly so that they wouldn't get caught, Valentine would recite the wedding vows, saying "Do you, (boys name), Take this woman (girls name), to be your lawfully wedded wife?"  And the boy would whisper "I do!"  Then he would say to the girl "Do you, (girls name), take this man, (boys name) to be your husband?"  and the girl would whisper "I do!"

Then Valentine would say "I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!"

The audience said "Awkward!"

But just then Claudius said "I saw that!  You are a priest!  Guards, arrest that man!"

(Exit Christians, Claudius. Enter Judge, judges daughter)

So Valentine was arrested, and brought to the judge.   The Judge said "You claim that Jesus is the true God?  Fine, let's test it!"  and bringing his blind daughter out, the judge said.  "If Jesus is God, ask Him to heal my daughter!"

The judge's daughter just stumbled around, completely blind.

So Valentine prayed for the Judge's daughter, saying "Dear Jesus, please heal this girl!"

Suddenly the girl started yelling "I'm healed!  It's a miracle!"

The Judge fell on his knees and said "It is a miracle! I too want to be a Christian!"

So Valentine baptized the judge, and the Judge let him go.

(Exit Judge, judges daughter, enter Claudius)

But soon after Claudius arrested Valentine again.  Claudius said “Look, Valentine, I like you, so why don't you just renounce Christ, and we can let this whole thing go."

But Valentine said "I think that you should accept Christ!"

So Claudius got really angry, and said "You're not listening to me!  Guards!  Beat this man with clubs, and chop off his head!"  So the guards did as they were told, and Valentine died.

St Valentine-  Pray for us.