Marguerite d"Youville

Marguerite, Francois, sons (2), babies (4), Mother in law,  priest, blind woman, poor, orphans, sisters (2), Other people, English soldier, French Soldier, English commander


There once was a beautiful young lady named Marguerite Varennes.  Marguerite lived in Montreal, and she spoke in a ridiculous French Canadian accent, saying things like 'I lurve Celine Dion" and "I want more of dzi poutine!"

One day a very dashing young man, named Francois, approached Marguerite, got down on one knee, took her hand, and said, in his own outlandish accent "Oh Marguerite, you are sweeter than a sugar shack on a crisp march morning! Won't you marry me?"  Then he kissed her on the hand.

Marguerite said "Zut alors!  You are so charming!  Bien oui!"

So Marguerite and Francois were married.

(Enter Mother in law)

Francois said "Ma mere will come live with us of course!"

His Mother in law walked in, saying "Get out of the way, sweetheart"  pushing Marguerite aside.

Marguerite said "Oh, Ok!"

(Enter sons, babies)

Then she had children.  She had 2 sons, who both said "Bonjour Maman!" She also had 4 babies, but they all died.

(Exit babies)

Her two sons would cling to her skirt and say "Maman, maman!  Pay attention to us!"

Marguerite said "Francois, would you be a dear and help me with the boys?"

But Francois said "I cannot. I must make alcohol to sell illegally to the first nations!"

And so Marguerite spent her days trying to love a husband who ignored, an ill tempered mother in law who was rude to her, and 2 boys who always wanted her attention.

Eventually Francois died.

(Enter priest) The priest said to Marguerite "Don't be afraid!  God has big plans for you!  You will raise up a house which has fallen into ruin!

(Exit priest, mother in law, Francois, boys.  Enter Blind woman)

One day Marguerite met a blind woman, who said "Please won't you help a poor blind woman who cannot work for herself?"

Marguerite said "You poor dear.  Come and live in my home."

(Enter poor, sick, orphans)

Before long Marguerite was bringing poor people, sick people, and orphans into her home.

(Enter sisters)

Soon other women joined Marguerite serving the needy in her home. They served whoever needed to be served, Catholic or not, French or first nation.

(Enter other people) But the other people in Montreal were mean to them, even throwing rocks at them.  They said things like "Stop bringing all these needy people into our neighborhood!"  and "What are you doing Marguerite?  Selling them your husbands illegal alcohol?"  They all laughed. Then they started saying "you women are just a bunch of drunks!"

Now the word drunk in French is "grises", so the mean people started calling them "Les Grises."

But Marguerite had an idea.  She said to her sisters "Sisters, if they want to call us 'les grises', let's be 'les grises'.

Here sisters said "you can't be serious!  You want us to be drunks?"

Marguerite said "Not at all!  But grises does not only mean drunk.  It also means grey!  Let's all dress in grey habits!"

The sisters giggled, and thanked Marguerite for that French lesson.  Ever since then they have been known as the Grey Nuns.

One day a major fire broke out in Montreal, burning much of that city to the ground.  Everyone ran around yelling "Fire!  Fire!"  Marguerite and the Grey Nuns and everyone they cared for became homeless!  But God provided for them-  they were able to move into an old hospital, and care for even more people!

(Exit other people, Enter English soldier)

One day while Marguerite was sewing a tent, an English soldier came running into the hospital, looking for somewhere to hide. Marguerite helped him hide under her sewing.

(Enter French soldier) Then a French soldier came running in.  He said "Did you see an Englishman come through here?"

Marguerite pointed out the back door.  The French man said "Merci!"  and ran off. When it was safe the Englishman popped out from under the tent, and thanked Marguerite who saved his life.

(Exit French soldier, enter English Commander)

Some time later the whole English army gathered outside the hospital.  The Commander yelled. "We know that you are hiding and helping French soldiers!  We have canons aimed at your hospital, and will knock it down!"

The sisters and all the poor screamed and huddled around Marguerite.  Marguerite said "But I'm not ready to be canonized!"

The audience groaned at the bad pun.  Some of them whispered to each other "i don't get it".

The Commander said "Ready, aim...."

Suddenly the English soldier said "Wait!  Sir, these are the nuns who helped me to escape from the French!"

The Commander said "Stand down men!"  Then to Marguerite he said "You have our gratitude."

(Exit English commander and English soldier)

Marguerite spent the remainder of her life living with the Grey Nuns she founded, and serving the people of Montreal.  She was the first person born in Canada to be canonized a saint.

Saint Marguerite d'Youville-  Pray for us!

St Lucy of Narnia

Lucy Brocadelli, Father, Mother, children (3) Aslan, Mr. Tumnus, the white witch, uncle, suitor, Pietro, Catherine of Sienna, Prior

(Enter Lucy, Father, Mother)

Lucy Brocadelli was born on the feast of St Lucy (Dec 13, 1476) in a place called Narnia, Italy.   Her mother and father doted on her, pinching her cheeks and commenting on how cute she was.  Eventually they had 10 more children!

(Enter children)
(Exit children, mother, father)

Lucy had visions as a young girl.  She saw a man who was half goat and half man.  (Enter Mr. Tumnus)

Mr. Tumnus said "How would it be if you would have tea with me?"

Then the witch came (Enter white witch.) She said "I'll get you my pretty, and your little fawn too!"  Then she turned Mr. Tumnus into a statue.

Then Aslan came (Enter Aslan) He roared so loud the audience shook!  Then he bit the witches face off.

Lucy said "Wait!  This was not the vision I had!  My vision was of Mary and Jesus and Catherine of Sienna!"

The narrator apologized profusely, and ushered the characters from the CS Lewis books off the stage. (Exit Tumnus, Aslan, Witch)

Lucy said "After that amazing vision, which was so unlike the one portrayed here..."  and awkwardly looked at the narrator before continuing... "I will be celibate!"  meaning she made a vow to never get married.

(Enter Father)

Unfortunately her father did not know that, and he suddenly grew ill.

(Enter Uncle)

Lucy's uncle ran to the side of his dying brother and said "What can I do?"

Her father said "Take care of Lucy.  Get her married-  quick!  She's twelve years old!  It's time she had children of her own!"  Then he died.

(exit Father)

(enter children, mother, suitor)

Some time later, the uncle arranged for a gathering of the whole family, including a wealthy suitor.  He said "Good news Lucy!  I found someone to marry you!"

Lucy said "What?  No!  I made a promise to God!"

But the suitor got down on one knee, and tried to put a ring on her finger. So she slapped him. He tried again. She slapped him again. He tried a third time.  She slapped him a third time.

So the suitor fell at the knees of the narrator and said "Please!  Make it stop!"

Then he left.  (Exit suitor).

(Enter Pietro)  But in came Count Pietro Di Allesio of Milan.  He pointed at Lucy and said in an Transylvania accent "One!  One single girl!  Ah ah ah."

The girls in the audience all said "He's so dreamy!"  and began fanning themselves with their hands.

Lucy also looked at the count and felt that she loved him. But she said "Oh, if only I could marry you!  But alas I made a vow of celibacy!"

(Enter Catherine)  Suddenly St Catherine of Sienna appeared to her and said "Seriously?  You gonna turn down a guy like that?  Look, just marry the guy, but get him to agree to honour your vow of celibacy!"  Then she disappeared. (Exit Catherine).

So Lucy and Pietro were married!

At first they had a happy marriage, even though Lucy kept giving his food and wealth away to the poor.  But it was her reapeated visions which bothered the Count.

One day Lucy said "Some nice saints appeared to me today and walked me home!"

Count Pietro said "Again?  Lucy this is getting embarrassing!"  And so he locked her up so she would stop having visions in public.

(Exit Pietro)

But eventually Lucy managed to escape, and ran to a monastery.  There the prior (meaning the guy in charge) allowed Lucy to become a third order Dominican,  something like a nun!

(Enter Pietro)

When Pietro heard about it, he was furious!  He was so mad, he burned down the monastery!

(Exit Prior)

Pietro fell on his knees and begged Lucy to come back and be his wife.  But she said no, so he left sad.

Eventually Lucy would go on to start two convents. She continued to have visions, and would be seen in a state of ecstasy, smiling and staring off like a statue.  She even got the stigmata- the wounds of Christ on her hands!

Lucy of Narnia is thought to be the inspiration behind Lucy Pevensie who visits Narnia in CS Lewis' works.

St Lucy- Pray for us!

St Gianna Molla

Gianna,  3 kids, husband, 'poor and elderly' (2), doctor, baby

(Enter Gianna)

There once was a woman named Gianna.  Gianna had a husband, named Pietro and 3 children (Enter husband and kids).  They loved each other very much!  The children said to their mother "Mommy, you are such a good and kind mommy!"  And they would shower her with kisses.

Not to be outdone, Pietro would romantically take Gianna's hand and say "Come have a date with me my love!"  and kiss her on the hand.

Pietro and Gianna loved music, and they would go to the opera together. They watched as the audience sang in operatic fashion " Figaro, Figaro, Fi-ga-ro!!!"  Then the whole Molla family applauded.

(Enter poor and elderly)  But the Molla family was also generous.  They would visit the poor and elderly, and since Gianna was a doctor, she would give them medical advice.  (Actor should invent her own medical advice).  Gianna said "One day I hope to go on a mission to Brazil with my brother the priest, so I can give those poor women medical advice too!"

(Exit poor and elderly)

One day Gianna gathered her family and said "Children!  I have very exciting news for you!  I am pregnant!"

They children were delighted!  They danced and sang "We're gonna have a baby!"

Pietro gave his wife a big hug, then kneeling down he said to her belly "Hi Baby! I'm your dadda!"

(Enter doctor)

But the doctor said "I'm afraid I have bad news for you.  You have a tumor."

The audience gasped!  Pietro fainted.

One of the children said "Whats a tumor?"

The doctor said "It's a kind of sickness where something is growing inside of your mom that shouldn't be there.  Unless we operate, your mother will die!"

Pietro got up off the floor and said "Well, then operate!"

But the doctor said "It's not that simple.  If we operate, the baby in Gianna's womb will die."

The audience said "Oh dear!"  Pietro fainted again. 

But Gianna said "If you have to choose between my life and that of my baby, choose my baby."

The children said "Oh Mother!"  and hugged her, weeping.  Pietro got up and joined the group hug.

(Enter baby)

When the time came, Gianna had a beautiful baby girl. The baby cried and drooled, but Pietro said as he held her "I love her so much!  She will be named Gianna Emanuela."

The doctor said "Now it is finally safe to operate!" 

But it was too late- Gianna died when her baby was only a week old.

Gianna is the patron saint of Mothers, doctors, and unborn babies.

St Gianna Molla-  Pray for us!

Elisha

Elijah, Elisha, flaming horses, people of Jericho

(Enter Elijah and Elisha)

There once were two Prophets, Elijah and Elisha.  Elijah did really cool things, like once he called down fire from Heaven, and another time he parted the Kordan river so he and Elisha could walk across on dry land.

Elisha said “Golly Elijah!  I wish I was as powerful as you!”

Elijah said “It’s not me, it’s the Holy Spirit working through me! And if you see the way I go to Heaven, you will have the power too!”

Elisha sang the following words to the tune of “if I were a rich man” from Fiddler on the Roof. The narrator modeled how to sing and dance;

“If I were a prophet... dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby dooby do.  All day long I’d dooby dooby do, dooby dooby dooby do!”

(Enter horses)

Suddenly flaming horses came galloping in, whinnying and reading on their hind legs.  The audience sang the tune of Chariots of fire. The kids in the audience all looked at the adults, cause they were the only ones who knew the song.  Then Elijah was taken to Heaven in a whirlwind!  As he flew off, he dropped his coat!

The flaming horses whinnied and galloped away.

(Exit horses, Elijah)

Then Elisha picked up Elijah’s coat, and yelled “I’ve got the power!”

(Enter people of Jericho)

Suddenly the people of Jericho came running up to Elisha and said “Please help us!”

Elisha said “Jericho, Jericho, now where have I heard that before?”

Elisha stroked his beard as he thought, and all the people of Jericho froze like statues. They would remain like statues until the narrator clapped his or her hands.

As Elisha remembered, the audience provided the sound effects.

Elisha remembered how Joshua had said “God has given us this land!”

And how the people of Jericho had answered “We have a big wall, go away”

And how Joshua and the Israelites blew trumpets,

And how the people of Jericho screamed as their walls came down.

The narrator clapped twice. The people of Jericho shook themselves and looked bewildered.

Elisha said-  “wait-  wasn’t your city destroyed a thousand years ago?”

The people of Jericho said “yeah, but we rebuilt it.  In defiance of Gods laws.  But our water is yucky!”

So the people of Jericho took some water and tasted it, but spat it out saying “ooh, bleh, yech!”

Then they said “it makes us sick and kills our crops!

Elisha took the water and put some salt in it, saying “This is what the Lord says:  I have healed the water.  Never again will it cause death or make the land useless!”

So the people tasted the water again and said. “Wow, now this water is delicious!  Thank you Elisha!  You are so kind! You’re our hero!”

Elisha said “You’re welcome! Just remember kids-  stay in school, and don’t make fun of bald people.”

And everyone laughed a hearty laugh.

The end.

St Leo the Great

Pope Sixtus III, Leo, Emperor, Christians (2), Romans (2), Attila the Hun, Huns (3), Geneseric the Vandal, Vandals (3)


(Enter Pope Sixtus III, Leo, Emperor, Christians, Romans).

The fifth century was a tumultuous time. Everyone in Rome huddled together, trembling, and  saying  "Oh the tumult, the tumult!"

The Romans said "Ever since our empire became Christian, we've been invaded by wave after wave of barbarians!  We should never have stopped worshiping  Mars!"

But Christian number 1 said "It's not our fault the empire is collapsing!  We must worship Jesus, because he is the one true God!"

Christian number 2 said "I hate to correct you, dear brother, but Jesus was a man and not God."

Christian number 1 said "That's crazy... he was God!  How could God become man?"

And so the Christians argued amongst themselves, yelling in turn "God!"  "Man!" "God!"  "Man!"

Pope Sixtus said "Oh dear, these divisions will tear us apart!  Leo, do you have time to solve this debate?"

Leo said "I may not have the time, but I have the tome!!!"  Leo looked for someone to laugh at his joke, but not a single person got it.  The narrator resolved to google it later.

Leo said to the Christians. "You're both right!  Jesus is God, and man!"

The audience though that was pretty trippy, so they said "whoa" as if they were high.

The Christians hugged each other, saying "Hurray for Christian unity!"

Then Pope Sixtus died.   The Christians said "Let's make Leo the next Pope!"

(Exit Sixtus, enter Attila and the Huns.)

Attila and the Huns rode their horses all around the Christians, Romans, Emperor and Pope Leo.  The Huns  hooted and hollered, saying "Attack the city of Rome, the greatest city in the world!"

The emperor was a weak man, and he said in a wimpy voice "Oh my!  We will be destroyed!  The Huns are the most vicious people in all the world!"

One of the Romans said "They are so uncivilized- they never get off their horses!"

Another Roman said "They eat their meat raw!"

Attila said "Correction!  We do not eat out meat raw. We place the meat under our bare legs, and it cooks between our legs and the bodies of our horses!"

The huns each took a slab of meat out from under their thighs and started ripping at it with their teeth.  The audience groaned in disgust.

The emperor whimpered "Whatever are we to do?"

Pope Leo said "I got this."  Then he went out and greeted Attila, and said "In the name of Jesus you will leave Rome alone!"

Attila pouted, but said "Oh, ok.  C'mon Huns!"

But the Huns whined saying  "But Attila!"

Attila said "I mean it!  Let's go, Huns!"

So the Huns all rode off on their horses (Exit Attila and the Huns)

Everyone celebrated the departure of the barbarians!  The Romans said "We thought the fall of Rome was the fault of the Christians!  But now we see that you are defenders of Rome!   No one will mess with us now!"

(Enter Geneseric and the vandals.)

Geneseric said "Oh, no?"

Leo said "Who are you, and what do you want?"

Geneseric said "We are the vandals, and we are here to destroy Rome and all it's treasures for no reason!"

The Emperor said "You mean, to vandalize it?"

Geneseric said. "Very astute.  The word vandalize comes from the word vandal. which is what we are."

The audience members whispered to each other "This is so educational!"

Leo said "Gosh, guys, you've come all this way... how bout this... you could loot Rome, steal whatever you want, but don't wreck anything, or steal our wives, and we'll just step aside."

Geneseric said "But, we're vandals. Wrecking stuff is what we do... but you're such a nice guy... oh, ok."

So Geneseric and his vandals stole from the people of Rome, but didn't wreck anything.  Then they left.

The Emperor waved saying "Good bye!  Come again soon!"

(Exit vandals)

Everyone said "Wow. Leo, you were great!"

Leo said "Hmmm... Leo the Great. I like the sound of that."

And everyone had a hearty chuckle.

St Leo the Great!

Pray for us!

Francis Xavier

Francis, Ignatius, Nicholas, Simao, Peter, ladies (2), Indians (2) , Japanese (2), Anjiro, portugese sailors (2).

(Enter Francis Xavier and Ladies)

There  once was a man named Francis Xavier.  Francis was rich, and would show off his money.  He was also cute.  The ladies would giggle and swoon, saying "He's so dreamy!".   He was also a good athlete, especially when it came to high jump.

In fact he would brag "I can jump higher than a house!"  The laides would say "wow!"  and squeeze his muscles. But then he's say "That's nothing... a house can't jump!"  The ladies would giggle, and say "Oh you!"

(Enter Peter, Ignatius)

Francis lived with his friend Peter, and they studied together in school. One day a man came to live with them named Ignatius.  Ignatius limped because he had been in a war, and his leg had been hit by a canon ball. Ignatius prayed all the time, and he inspired Peter and Francis.  One day Peter said "Ignatius, you've inspired me, now I want to be a priest!"

The audience applauded.

Ignatius said to Francis "What about you?"

But Francis said "No, i want to be rich!"  Then he put an arm around each of the ladies and said "Besides, it wouldn't be fair to the ladies!"

(Exit Ladies, enter Nicholas and Simao)

But one night, Francis, Ignatius, Peter, and their friends Nicholas and Simao all snuck together into a crypt and made a vow.  Speaking in unison, they said "I hereby do solemnly swear, to live a life of chastity, obedience to the pope, and poverty."

The girls in the audience all said in unison "Awe, shucks."

Then Ignatius said "We should be missionaries!  Nicholas, Simao, go to Asia!"

Nicholas and Simao said "Sir, yes sir!"  But the Nicholas suddenly fell ill.

Ignatius said "Francis, I guess you'd better go instead."

(Enter sailors, Exit Ignatius, Peter, Nicholas)

So Francis and Simao and the sailors set out on the High seas, where they were tossed by large winds and waves.

(Enter Indians)

They landed in India, Where Francis told the Indians about Jesus, and baptized many of them!

(Enter Anjiro)  There he met a Japanese man named Anjiro.  Anjiro folded his hands and said in his best Japanese accent "Please, Mr. Francis Sir, come with me to Japan, and I will be your translator and guide!"

(Exit Indians and Sailors and Simao, enter Japanese)

So Francis travelled all the way to Japan, where he told the Japanese about the love of God.  He tried to meet the Emperor, but was not allowed.

He eventually died just outside of China. His body is incorrupt, and is still mostly intact 500 years later.

St Francis Xavier, pray for us!

Prodigal Son

Prodigal, older Brother, Father, questionable women, pigs, swineherder, pigs

(Enter prodigal, brother, father)

Once there was a man who had 2 sons.  He was a good father who loved his sons dearly. He would throw the football to them, wrestle with them, and tussle their hair. And he would say "You boys are the apple of my eye!  I love you dearly!"

The younger son said ”that’s great Dad! Say, do you think you could give me my half of my inheritance?”

His father said “uh, generally to get your inheritance, you have to wait until I’m dead.”

The prodigal said “Well, do you think you could get on with it then? I’d really like my money...”

The audience was flabbergasted! They cried out “How date he!” And “Its an outrage!”

But his father merely sighed, and said “Ok son, here is your share of the inheritance.”

The older brother said “Really?”

But the prodigal said “yeah you did!  Woo hoo!”

(Exit Father and older brother, enter questionable women)

So the prodigal took his money, and went to Vegas!  In Vegas, the prodigal...

Suddenly the prodigal interrupted the narrator and said “whoa-  what’s done in Vegas, stays in Vegas”

The narrator looked annoyed and said “not this time!”

Then he went on with the story

So the prodigal went to Vegas where he met questionable women.  And they did what everyone does in Vegas-  they disco danced.  Then they did the Macarena. Then they put their arms around each other and did the can can.

But eventually, the progigals money ran out!  He said “don’t worry girls, I know of a great polka club on the strip and it’s free!”

But the women said “oh, you’re broke? ew!”

Then they went into the audience to flirt with the rich boys.

(Exit women)

The prodigal said “now what will I do?”

(Enter swine herder and pigs)

Suddenly a swine herder entered, driving his pigs through downtown to wallow in a different mud hole.

He said “hey there son, I could use some help,  wanna job?”

But the prodigal said “I hate pigs!  They are ugly, snotty and stinky!”

The pigs oinked in anger.

But the prodigal said “but I do need a job. Ok”

The pigs squealed with delight and began licking his hands.

The swine herder said “alright, feed this slop to the pigs” and he handed the prodigal a bucket.

The prodigal Looked in the bucket and said “yuck what is this stuff?”

The swineherder said “it is the leftovers from the buffet at the polka club. All mashed together in a swill!”

The prodigal said “I wish I could eat some”

Then he said “look at me! I am so desperate. I should at least go back to my father for he treats his servants better than I am being treated.”

So the prodigal left the swineherd her and the pigs and began the long walk back to his father.

(Enter Father)

When his father saw him coming his father ran in super slow motion to hug his son. He held him tight and pat his hair.

But the prodigal fell on his knees and said “Father! Please forgive me, and take me back as a servant because I do not deserve to be called your son.”

But the father said “you are my son and I love you welcome home son we’re gonna have a party.” And so they did.