Tobit, Ninevites (3), bird, Tobias, Sarah, Azariah, Fish, Asmodeus
(Enter Tobit, Ninevites)
There once was man named Tobit. Tobit lived in the city of Nineveh. The Ninevites were evil people, who slunk around hunch bakced, and eyed each other mischievously. They plotted dastardly deeds, then laughed menacingly. Then they slunk away.
(Exit Ninevites)
Tobit sighed. He said "Dear God, I've always been a faithful Jew. I went to the temple, I gave money to the poor, I even buried the dead! How long must I live among these evil people?"
(Enter bird)
Suddenly a beautiful bird flew over head, chirping a merry bird song! Tobit said "Thank you Lord! What a beautiful bird!"
But then bird pooped in Tobits eye, laughed menacingly, and flew away.
(Exit bird)
Tobit said "Seriously? Now I'm blind!"
(Enter Tobias)
Tobit's son, Tobias, ran in, and seeing his dad, said "Dad! What can I do?"
Tobit said "If I'm blind, I can't work anymore. Go to Ecbatana. There's a man there that owes me money. You better go get it."
Tobias said "But I don't know the way!"
(Enter Azariah)
Suddenly Azariah came up, and said "Don't worry, I'll show you!"
Tobit looked confused. "Who are you?"
Azariah stuck out a hand for a handshake. "I'm Azariah, a random stranger who happened to be walking by on his his way to Ecbatana."
So Tobias and Azariah linked arms and skipped off.
(Exit Tobit. Enter fish)
Soon, Tobias and Azariah came to a river. As Tobias washed his feet, suddenly a fish in the river tried to eat his foot! Tobias screamed while the fish put his whole foot in his mouth! But Tobias pulled the fish onto shore, and beat it to death.
Azariah said, "That was lucky! Save it's heart, gall, and liver. You never know when those things might come in handy!"
So Tobias cut out the organs of the fish, and threw it back into the water.
(Exit fish, enter Sarah)
When they got to Ecbatana, there was Sarah. Sarah was stunningly beautiful, and she walked around flitting her long hair, batting her eyelashes, and swiveling her hips.
Tobias was stunned. He asked Azariah "Who is that incredibly gorgeous woman?"
Azariah said "That's Sarah. She's your cousin, so you should marry her!"
Tobias nodded his head reverently, and said "Yeah, I should."
So immediately Tobias got down on one knee, and taking Sarah's hand in his own, he said "Sarah. You are the most beautiful woman in the whole world. Will you marry me?" Then he kissed her hand, a prolonged and delicate kiss.
But Sarah withdrew her hand, and began to cry. She said "I wish I could marry you! But I've been married seven times, and every time my husband dies on our wedding night. People have accused me of murdering them!"
Tobias stood up. He said nervously "Oh... yeah that is weird. Who could accuse you of such a thing?"
Sarah shuddered. "It's not me! It's the demon, Asmodeus! He murders my husbands!"
Azariah nodded. "Oh yeah, don't worry about it, this kind of thing happens all the time! Tobias, here's what you should do. Marry her, but then that night, light some coals, and put the fish heart and liver, and burn it on the coals like incense. The smell will drive the demon away."
Sarah said "Yay, now we can be married!" And she grabbed Tobias by the arm, and looked lovingly into his eyes.
But Tobias said "This whole thing smells a little fishy to me, but, OK!".
(Exit Azariah)
So Tobias and Sarah were married! That night, Tobias lit some coals, and put the fish heart and liver on them.
(Enter Asmodeus)
Suddenly, Asmodeus entered. Asmodeus moved and spoke like Gollum from Lord of The Rings. Sarah pointed at him and said "Oh no! That's the demon!"
Asmodeus said "Yes, precious. I'm here to kill the fat one."
But Tobias took the fish part incense, and waved it in front of Asmodeus, saying "Get out foul creature!"
Asmodeus shrieked when he smelled the fish. "You tricked us! Wicked, tricksy Tobitses!" Then he crawled away.
Tobias called after him "I'm Tobias actually, Tobit is my dad."
(Enter Azariah) But Azariah chased Asmodeus, and tied him up, so he couldn't hurt anyone again.
(Exit Asmodeus)
Sarah and Tobias hugged, and looking into each others eyes, they said in unison, "I love you!"
Azariah said "I told you those fish parts would come in handy! But guess what? The gall is also good, because it can cure blindness!"
Tobias looked shocked. "Then what are we waiting for! Let's go!"
The three friends linked arms and skipped back to Nineveh.
(Enter Tobit)
When Tobit heard them coming, he said "Is that you Tobias? You took so long, I thought maybe something bad had happened to you!"
But Tobias took the fish gall and smeared it on his dad's eyes.
Tobit opened his eyes and said "I can see! It's a miracle!"
Tobias turned to Azariah and said "Who are you? Everything you said came true!"
Azariah smiled. "I'm not actually a human. I'm an angel! My name is Raphael."
Tobias laughed as he shook his head. "Cool, but, rude."
And all four of them laughed heartily at the joke.
