Mary, Mother of God

St Mary

Disclaimer-  Much of this story is taken from tradition and is not found in scripture so cannot be known for certain!

Mary, Anne, Joachim, Zechariah, Joseph, Joseph’s kids, Gabriel, Jesus, soldiers (2), John, Peter

(Enter Mary, Anne and Joachim)

When Mary was three years old, her parents, Anne and Joachim, brought her to the temple.  Anne said “Mary, you will live here and serve in the temple, as a virgin promised to God!” 

Mary said “Yes!”

(Exit Anne and Joachim, enter Zechariah)

So Mary grew up in the temple, praying, singing songs, cleaning, and never sinning!  Zechariah, the high priest (and her cousins husband), was very happy to look after her and teach her.  But one day, when Mary was 13, Zechariah said “Mary, you are too old now to keep living in the temple!  It is time that we found a man to marry you!”

But Mary said “I promised God that I would remain a virgin!”

Zechariah said “Then we will find an old and righteous man who will marry you and look after you, but respect your promise.”  

So Zechariah took 12 staffs from men who were considered worthy, and placed them in the Holy of Holies.  And the staff belonging to Joseph blossomed, and they considered it a sign that he was to be her husband!  Zechariah said "It's a miracle!  Bring me Joseph!"

(Enter Joseph and Joseph's kids) 

Joseph was over 70 years old, and he was a carpenter.  He already had other kids, but their mother had died.  So Joseph said to them “This woman will be your mother!”

The kids danced around Mary saying "Mommy, mommy!"  Even though they were actually adults.

(Exit Joseph, kids, Zechariah.  Enter Gabriel)

One day, an angel named Gabriel appeared to Mary and said “You will have a son, and he will be a pretty big deal!”

Mary said “Impossible!  I am a consecrated virgin!”

The angel said “Nothing is impossible for God! Will you do it?”

So Mary said “Yes”

(Exit Gabriel.  Enter Joseph)

So Mary went to Joseph and said “I’m pregnant.  But don’t worry!  God is the dad!”

Joseph had a nervous breakdown.  He cried and sucked his thumb.

(Exit Mary) 

 But when Joseph fell asleep, Gabriel appeared to him and said “Don’t worry, Joseph!  Mary is legit!”

(Gabriel exit, Mary enter)

So, Joseph married Mary, and this made Mary merry.

(Enter Jesus, Gabriel)

Mary had baby Jesus in a barn. The angel appeared again to Joseph and said “Run away!  Run away!  King Herod is coming!”

(Exit Gabriel)

Joseph and Mary and Jesus ran all the way to Egypt.  Then they came back.  Then Joseph died.

(Exit Joseph.  Enter soldiers, John)

When Jesus was grown up, soldiers came and arrested him.  They nailed him to the cross. While hanging on the cross, Jesus saw John and Mary standing side by side, crying.  Jesus said “John, behold your mother.  Woman, behold your son.”

John said “I thought Joseph had other kids who could take care of you?”

Mary said “He does.  Jesus means I should become the mother to the whole Church.”

John said “Oh… cool!”

Jesus died. Then he rose again.  Then he went to Heaven. (Exit Jesus)  Mary and John moved to Ephesus, where Mary died. (Exit Mary, enter Peter)

John said to Peter "Mary Died."

Peter said "Oooh!  Show me the body!

But when they looked, Mary’s body was gone!

John said “Wow!  I guess her body must have risen from the dead and been brought into Heaven!”

Peter said “That’s quite an assumption.”

(Exit Peter and John, Enter Mary)

Up in Heaven, Jesus said “Welcome home Mom! Now you will be queen of the universe!”

And to this day Mary still sometimes appears to people to help them come to Jesus.

Mary, Mother of God-  Pray for us!

St Michael

 John, Emperor, grasshoppers (2), beast, drunken woman, Mary, Dragon, minions (3), Michael Archangel, female angels (3), Jesus

(Opening Scene-  John and Emperor on stage)

John was one of the apostles, and spent his time telling everyone in the audience about Jesus.  The emperor said “please don’t do that,” but John kept doing it anyway.  Finally the emperor said “Ok, now you’ve done it!  You will have to live alone on a deserted Island called Patmos, and there you will die!”  The emperor laughed like a maniac, did a little victory dance, and said "Oh yeah, get down with your bad self."  Then he left the stage.

(Scene Change!)

While living on Patmos, John spent a lot of time praying, and one day he had a vision from God!  He saw all kinds of weird things-  (enter grasshoppers) like giant grasshoppers that shot fire out of their mouths and stung people with their tails, (enter Beast and woman) a beast that was part lion, part leopard and part bear, and a drunken woman who rode around on the beasts back yelling “Blasphemies!  Blasphemies!” 

The beast suddenly bucked her off and ate her.

(Exit beast, woman, grasshoppers, enter Mary, Dragon, Minions)

After all those things were gone, John saw the heavens open, and there was Mary, the mother of Jesus!  She was pregnant, and in pain in child birth.  She was clothed with the sun, stood on the moon, and had a crown of 12 stars. 

An evil dragon grinned at her, and said in a hissing, shrieking, dragony voice “As soon as you have your baby, I am going to eat him!”  The devils minions cackled with delight, rubbing their hands together.

(Enter Michael, and female angels)

Suddenly, Michael Archangel jumped into the scene, yelling “Here I am to save the day!”

Mary said “Are you a ninja turtle?”

Michael said “Uhhh- no.  I am an angel.  The ninja turtle was named after me.”

Now Michael had a great big sword, and he was exceedingly buff. As he flexed, all the female angels used to squeeze his muscles and say “He’s so dreamy!”

But the dragon screamed and pointing at Michael said “Minions!  Get them!”

An epic battle ensued, in super slow motion. 

The minions charged at the angels, trying to claw their faces off.  The audience gasped!  The angels all had swords, and they fought valiantly, while Michael fought the dragon.  Michael stabbed the dragon in the heart, who shrieked, and said “Run away, run away!”  The minions were flung down to the earth, where they shrieked in horror.

(Minions, dragon exit)

Suddenly Mary finished giving birth, and her son was Jesus!  (Enter Jesus) Jesus gave Michael a high five, and said “Great work buddy!  From now on, You are the protector of the Church!”

So Mary and the angels cheered, and they all had a group hug.

St Michael the Archangel- Pray for us!

St Anna Schaffer

Anna, Dad, Mom, brother, master, doctor, priest, Jesus, St Francis

(Enter Anna)

Anna Schaffer loved God.  She said "One day, I will be a nun!"

(Enter Jesus)

One day Jesus appeared to her and said "Anna, I want you to suffer for me."

Anna was alarmed, but said "Jesus, I will do whatever you ask of me!"

(Jesus leave, Dad, mom, brother enter)

Her father was a carpenter, who worked all day with a hammer and saw. One day her father died suddenly. Anna and her mom and her brother sobbed as they hugged.  Her mom said "Now what will we do for money?"

Anna said "Don't worry mom, I will drop out of school and get a job!"

(Family leave, master enter)

So Anna began working as a maid, dusting and sweeping, while her master ordered her around.  One day her master ordered in a shrill voice "Anna!  Come here and fix this stovepipe"

Anna climbed up on the industrial washing machine, and tried to fix it.  Suddenly she slipped and fell into the machine!  The water in the machine was boiling hot!  Anna screamed in pain!

Her mother, brother, and a doctor all came running!

When she got out, she was crying, and shaking from the severe pain. Her Mother helped her into bed, while the doctor looked after her.  (Keep Anna standing while in "Bed" so people can still see her) The doctor massaged her legs, and operated on her, but nothing helped.  Anna's pain was so great, that eventually she was left paralyzed in bed.  Anna said "Now I will never be a nun!"

Anna stayed in bed, while her mother and brother stood by. (Master leave)

But even while in bed, she remained optimistic. She would lie in her bed and knit clothes for her friends.  Every day the local priest would come by to bring her communion.  He would say "The body of Christ" and she would say "Amen". Then she would say "I can't tell you how happy I am that I get to receive communion!  I think that suffering, communion and knitting will be my ticket to heaven!"

Her brother said "Anna, I never believed in God, but after seeing what a hero you are, I realize that God is real!"

(Priest, mom, brother leave, Francis enter)

One day she had a vision where St Francis appeared to her.  He said "You're suffering a lot. Will you suffer more?"

Anna said "Yes."

Then Francis disapeared.

(Francis leave)

Anna got the stigmata-  holes appeared on her hands and feet like those of Jesus!  And it felt like she was being pierced through with nails!  She tried to keep her hands and feet hidden from everyone else, so no one would know.

Eventually Anna got cancer, which made her paralysis even worse.  She couldn't write or even speak!  (Priest return) But after receiving communion from her priest, she was able to say her last words;  "Jesus!  I live for you!" Then she died.

St Anna Schaffer-  pray for us!

Thomas Aquinas

Thomas, brothers (2), Mother (Theodora), students (4), woman of ill repute, Jesus, donkey, Pope

(Enter Thomas, brothers, Mother)

When Thomas Aquinas was a kid, he was big and fat and didn't talk much.  Because of this, his brothers would make fun of him and say "You're a dumb ox."  Then they would make obnoxious mooing sounds. His mother, Theodora, would wag her finger at them and say "Now boys, leave him alone." 

When Thomas was 19, he decided he wanted to be a Dominican monk. His mom said "No Thomas!  You could be so much more!"  She begged him, falling on her knees, and saying "Please!  Pretty Please!  Pretty please with a cherry on top!"

Thomas licked his lips and said "Mmmm, Cherries..." But then Thomas said "Please mom! It is the will of God!"  Then he looked epically and heroically into the distance, while patting his mothers hair in a belittling fashion.

(Exit Mother, brothers 'hide')

So Thomas made off to join the Dominicans.  As he was walking, he came to a spring of water, where he bent down to take a drink. Suddenly his 2 brother jumped out, and grabbed him.  They dragged him back to their home, where he was kept as a prisoner!

(Enter Mother)

Thomas said "God wills that I will be a Dominican monk!"

But Theodora said "Well, you can't because you are my prisoner!"

(Enter woman of ill repute)

When he still would not change his mind about becoming a monk, his brothers brought him a woman of ill repute. They said "We'll just leave you two alone while you think about it..."

(Exit brothers, Mother)  The woman flitted her hair back, and walked around, shaking her hips, in an extremely attractive fashion. She flirted with Thomas, stroking his cheek, and saying "Hey there big boy! Bet you don't want to be a monk now!"

Thomas grabbed a red hot poker from the fire, and chased the woman away, saying "Begone, seductress!"  She screamed and ran away. Then he traced a cross on the door with the poker.

(Exit woman, enter brothers.)

 After that, Thomas' brothers finally said "Ok, you can go free."

(Exit Brothers, enter students)

Thomas became a Dominican and a teacher.  His students sat at his feet and said "We called him the Dumb Ox, but he is a genius!  His bellowing will fill the earth!"

(Enter Pope)

Even the Pope heard about how bright Thomas was, and he blessed Thomas and made him the most important teacher in the world!

(Exit Pope)

To write his books, Thomas had 4 students write down his words, and doing it that way he wrote 4 books at a time! 

One of his students said "You're work is so intelligent!"

Another one said "But easy to understand!"

Thomas said "It's important that everyone can understand the faith, not just the educated!"

(Exit Students, enter Jesus)

One day Jesus appeared to him and said "You have written well of me. What reward can I give you?"

Thomas said "I want only you."

Then Jesus disappeared. (Exit Jesus)

After that, Thomas said "Compared to knowing Jesus, everything I wrote is like straw."

(Enter Donkey)

One day while riding on the back of a braying donkey, Thomas hit his head on a branch.  He fell off his donkey, and died soon after.

St Thomas Aquinas-  pray for us!

Joshua

Joshua, Caleb, Moses, Soldiers(3), Canaanites (3), Jordan River (4), walls of Jericho (3)

(Enter Joshua, Moses, Caleb, Soldiers)

Joshua was one of the men who followed Moses when they escaped from Egypt.  Moses said "Over here!"  And Joshua, Caleb and the soldiers ran to where Moses indicated.  Then Moses said "Wait-  I think it's over here!"  And the others all ran to the other part of the stage. 

Joshua was a warrior, and a general.  He wore armor, carried a sword, and had his own unique battle cry. Whenever he would utter his battle cry, the rest of his army would echo it.

One day Moses took Joshua and Caleb aside and said “Here is the land that God has promised us.  Go check it out and make sure it is safe before we invade.”

(Moses exit, Canaanites enter)

So Joshua and Caleb snuck into Canaan, along with some soldiers.  They crept in like Ninja's, moving slowly and invisibly, and uttering their secret calls to each other. From where they were spying, they could see that the Canaanites were very buff, powerful warriors, who walked around with flexed muscles saying in Arnold Schwarzenegger accents “Dis way to Jericho”  and “Our city walls are so big and mighty, no puny army can stand a chance against it!”

(Canaanites exit, Moses re-enter)

So Joshua and the other spies returned to Moses.  The soldiers said “The Canaanites are giants!  We are going to die!” 

But Joshua and Caleb said “C’mon, we can take them!  We got God on our team!”  Then Joshua gave his unique battle cry, but no one echoed it.  All that was heard was the sound of crickets, provided by the audience.

Because the other soldiers refused to fight, Moses and the Israelites walked in circles in the desert for 40 years.  Finally Moses said “Ok guys.  It’s time to invade!  Joshua, you’re in charge.”  Then Moses died.

(Moses exit, Jordan river enter and make a river)

Joshua led the Israelites to the Jordan river, which parted before them and they crossed on dry ground.

(Jordan river exit, Canaanites enter, walls of Jericho enter and form wall)

When they got to Jericho, The Canaanites all stood behind their fortified walls.  Instead of attacking, Joshua and the soldiers  just walked all the way around the city over and over again, while the Canaanites mocked them in their Schwarzenegger accents, saying “Puny children of Israel. You don’t stand a chance.”

But after a few days Joshua stopped the marching and Joshua did his battle cry. All the Israelites yelled their heads off for a minute.  Then they blew horns.  The walls of Jericho fell down.  The Canaanites squealed like little girls,  and the Israelites all ran into Jericho and defeated them.  The Canaanites fell before the Israelites and died. 

All the Israelites cheered, and eventually they conquered the whole land.