Telemachus

Telemachus (m), Gladiator, the Spaniard, Ignatius of Antioch (m) , Lion, Perpetua (f), Felicity(f) , mad cow, Emperor Constantine (m), Emperor Honorius (m), announcer, guards 2

Audience has a large part to play as well, so be ready to participate, and then be quiet to hear the actors on stage.

Disclaimer;  The following story combines a number of stories which took place over hundreds of years in various locations within the Roman empire. 

Everyone in the audience was excited.  They squirmed and jostled each other, trying to get a good view of the stadium floor. Ever since the Colosseum had been built by Jewish slaves in the year 80, Roman citizens had gathered to see the spectacle.

Still, there was no one on stage.

Someone in the audience called out "On with the show!"

Another said "I want to see someone fight a jaguar!"

Someone else said "Remember that time they flooded the whole arena and did a naval battle?"

Everyone responded at once "Boy, I do!  It was awesome!"

Suddenly the rowdy crowd grew quiet as the announcer stepped out onto stage. (enter announcer)

The announcer said loudly "Friends, Romans, Countrymen!  Lend me your ears!" Then the announcer added in song "this is the greatest show!"

(Enter guards, Ignatius)  The crowd applauded and cheered and the guards dragged Ignatius onto stage. The announcer said "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Ignatius of Antioch, a despicable Christian!"

The crowd booed.

The announcer said "and now for the mane event!" (Enter Lion)

 Suddenly a lion pounced onto the stage.

Ignatius said "It will grind my bones like wheat for bread!"

The lion roared, then pounced on Ignatius, and bit his face off.

The crowd cheered as the guards removed the body of Ignatius and escorted the lion off stage.

(exit lion, Ignatius, enter Perpetua and Felicity)

The announcer said "That's not all! These two young ladies are both Christians!  Watching them die will be udderly delightful!"

(Enter mad cow) Suddenly a mad cow entered the stage, mooing loudly, and then it's moos turned into maniacal laughter.  The cow charged at the girls, and gored them with it's horns.  But the girls did not die.

The announcer said "What's that? not dead?  Bring out the gladiators!"

(enter gladiator and Spaniard)  so the gladiator and the Spaniard each took swords, and killed the girls with them. (Exit cow, Perpetua, Felicity)

The Spaniard turned to the audience, and said "Are you not entertained?"

Just then emperor Constantine walked in said "I am now your emperor!  and I am a christian!"

The announcer said "awkward."

Constantine said "From now on, no killing Christians in the Colloseum."

The audience said "Awwww".

Constantine said "It's ok!  we'll still have gladiator battles!"

The audience said "Yay!"

But then Constantine died. (exit Constantine, enter Honorius).

Some time later, Honorius said "I'm the emperor now! To celebrate let's have gladiator battles!  Well, chop chop, let's move boys!"

So the gladiator and the Spaniard began having an epic sword battle in super slow motion.

(Enter Telemachus)  Suddenly Telemachus ran in and yelled "stop!"

Everybody froze. Honorius said "who are you?"

Telemachus said "I'm some random monk from the desert who just happened to be walking by. These gladiator battles are an outrage and must stop."

The crowd sat in stunned silence. Then someone yelled 'kill the monk!"

So the crowd, the gladiators, the guards, and the announcer all picked up rocks, and began throwing them at Telemachus, who crumpled and died.  His body remained on the floor.

Honorius said  "quiet down everyone!  I think that monk had a point!  Well done, no more gladiator battles!."  So no one ever had gladiator battles again, and everyone had a group hug.

Saints Ignatius, Perpetua, Felicity and Telemachus-  Pray for us!