David

Philistines (3), Israelites (3), Saul, Goliath, David, singing women, Nathan

(Enter the Philistines and the Israelites) 

The Philistines and the Israelites were at war. The two armies faced each other, ready to do battle.  The Philistines gave their war cry.  The Israelites gave their war cry.

Then the insults started.

The Philistines said "Our god is bigger than your God!"

The audience said "oooh."

The Israelites said "Oh yeah? Our God created the universe!"

The Philistines said "So why are you scared to fight us? Scared of Dagon?"

Dagon was the name of their god. He was a mermaid with a beard.

The Israelites said "The only person scared of your Dagon is Sebastien the crab!"

The audience jumped to their feet, yelling "Oh burn."

Once they settled down, the Philistines said "Tell you what. Instead of us all killing each other, how bout if we each send out our biggest guy, and they'll fight, and whoever wins, wins the whole war!"

(Enter Saul)

The Israelites looked to their king, Saul.  Saul was a pretty big guy. He flexed his arms, and kissed his muscles. He said, "Let's do this!" Then he aura farmed.

The Philistines all laughed, and then called, "Oh, Goliath!"

(Enter Goliath)

Goliath was huge!  He was 9 feet tall. The earth shook as he walked. He called in a deep voice, "Who will fight me?"

Saul peed his pants. He looked at the Israelites and said, "So? Who's gonna fight him? Whoever does can marry my daughter!"

(Enter David)

David was just a little guy, too young and too small for the army. But he said, "I'll fight him!"

Saul said, "You've got to be kidding."

But David said, "God will fight for us!"

So David approached Goliath and said, "This day God will help me defeat you!"

Goliath said, "Oh, yeah?" and swung his sword. But David put a rock in a sling, swung it around, and released. Goliath was struck in the head, and he fell flat on his face.

David grabbed Goliath's sword, chopped Goliath's head off, and held it up, while doing his own war cry.  All the Israelites cheered! The audience cheered! The Philistines whimpered.

(Exit Philistines, Goliath, enter singing women)

 When the warriors came back to the city, the singing women sang, "Saul is a mighty warrior, but David is better still."

When David flexed his muscles, the singing women all giggled and squeezed them saying, "You're so manly!"

Saul shook his fist angrily, saying, "What about me! I'm the one farming aura!"

Then Saul died.

(Exit Saul)

David became king. The women and israelites and the audience all cheered. He was the greatest king Israel ever had. 

(Enter Nathan)

One day a prophet named Nathan approached David and said, "David, God has blessed you. One of your descendants will be king forever!"

That descendant of David was Jesus, and he is called the Messiah. David and Nathan cheered at that announcement, and got high fives from the audience, even though it kinda broke the fourth wall. 

King David-  Pray for us!