Pope Leo XIV

  Pope Leo XIV, mom, dad, brothers (Louis, John,) Bishop, poor (2), Guerillas (2), soldiers (2), llama, Pope Francis

Enter Pope, mom, dad, brothers

Pope Leo's birth name was Robert Prevost.  He grew up in Chicago, with his mom, Mildred, his dad Louis, and his two brothers Louis and John.

Living in Chicago in the 60's, Roberts family loved baseball, and their favorite team was the Chicago White Sox was their favorite team. The family watched the games together, and cheered when the White Sox did well. The White Sox were one of the best teams in the Major Leagues... but the New York Yankees were better.

His Dad, Louis, yelled at the narrator, saying "Hey!  Don't let my boys hear you saying that!"  Dad pointed a warning finger at the narrator.

The narrator nervously went on reading the script.

Robert also played tennis.  And from the time he was little, he and his brothers would play Mass, pretending to offer the host on the altar. Mom pinched his cheeks and said "I always knew he'd become a priest."  

(Exit Family)

Robert was also very smart. In university, he got a degree in Math and Science, (the audience applauded politely) and then a Masters in Divinity (The audience applauded more), and then a degree in Canon Law. (The audience grew enthusiastic, and applauded saying "Wow!")

But Robert was modest, and he said "Oh, stop. I can almost feel my brain flexing!"

Then he said to the audience "I also taught high school Math and Physics! Anyone want a free lesson? Anyone?"

Everyone in the audience avoided making eye contact. Someone coughed awkwardly.

Disappointed, Robert sighed and said "It's not easy being a math teacher. We have too many problems. If you ask me, without geometry, life is pointless. But I'm over it- like a numerator."

Only the nerdy kids laughed.

(Enter Bishop)

One day a Bishop laid his hands on Robert, and ordained him a priest.  Now Robert could do Mass for real!

(Exit Bishop, enter poor, soldiers, guerillas)

Fr Robert went to Peru to work with the poor.  Peru was violent in those days. Soldiers shot at guerillas, who threw bombs, and yelled "We are the shining path!" The soldiers and the guerillas were all mean to the poor, who huddled near Fr Robert. Fr Robert hugged and consoled them. 

(Exit poor, soldiers and guerillas. Enter llama.)

Fr Robert found a llama, and climbed a mountain with it. The llama spat and said "Yay! I'm a llama again!"

Fr Robert said "Quiet down Cusco. You're not supposed to talk in this story."

When he got to the top of the mountain, Fr Robert saw the famous Machu Pichu. He took a selfie with his llama, flexing for the camera.

The girls in the audience said "Wow Fr Robert! You looks so Machu in that Pichu!"

Fr Robert blushed and said "Ok, girls, I'm a priest you know."

(Exit llama, enter Pope Francis)

One day Fr Robert met Pope Francis. Pope Francis said "You're such a great priest! You should be a bishop!"

Then later Pope Francis said "You should be a cardinal!"

Then a while later Pope Francis said "You should be the guy in charge of appointing other bishops!"

Cardinal Robert pumped his fist, and said to the audience "Ok, I'm going to need some new bishops!"

Then cardinal Robert chose three people from the audience to be bishops and come up on stage.

Then he thought about it some more, and he pointed at one of his bishops and said "Actually, no, go sit down." Then he picked a replacement bishop.

Then Pope Francis died.

(Exit Francis)

Cardinal Robert and the other Bishops (Cardinals) got together in a huddle called a conclave. After a short time, the bishops turned to the audience and declared "Habemus Papam!"

The crowd cheered!  several members of the audience said "That's Latin for 'we have a Pope'!"

Cardinal Robert said "Call me Leo XIV (Fourteen). I choose the name Leo because Leo XIII (thirteen) emphasized the rights of workers and of the poor and I want to further that legacy."

Pope Leo XIV was formally installed as Pope on May 18, 2025