Mary Magdalene

Mary Magdalene

Mary, People (2), Jesus, Pharisee, Martha, Lazarus, guards (2)

Disclaimer:  There were several Mary's and other women in Jesus' life, and no one can be certain that the same Mary Magdalene is the character in all of these bibical stories, but it is commonly believed that she is.  While this account certainly takes some creative liberties, it can be considered more accurate than the one by Dan Brown.

(Enter Mary, people)

Mary always wore her hair down.  Because of this, she was a woman of ill repute.  People would come up to her and say "Tsk, tsk.  Your repute is ill."  Then they would shun her, saying "Talk to the hand!"

(Exit people, enter Jesus, Pharisee)

But one day Mary went to the house of a pharisee where Jesus was eating.  She fell at his feet, crying, and wiping her tears off his feet with her hair, and kissing his feet. The Pharisee was outraged, and said "Get that disgusting creature off of my floor!" Then he hit her with a broom, saying "shoo, shoo you vile rodent!"

But Jesus said "Leave her alone!  You did not honour me when I came here, but she did by washing my feet with her tears!"

(Exit Pharisee, enter Martha, Lazarus)

Mary was so grateful, she said "Please come and eat with me and my family!"

So Jesus went and met with Mary and her sister Martha and her brother Lazarus.  Jesus talked about God's mercy and how he wanted to bless sinners, and Mary sat at his feet and listened.  But the whole time, Martha was working hard to making pizza bagels.  Finally, Martha interrupted and said "Jesus, please tell my lazy sister to get up and help me!"

But Jesus said "Martha, Martha.  You are concerned about so many things!  But Mary has chosen the better part."

Then Jesus left.  While he was gone, Lazarus choked on a pizza bagel and died.  Then Jesus came back.

Mary and Martha cried and hugged each other.  Jesus came and made the hug into a group hug. Mary said "If you had been here, this never would have happened!"

But Jesus said "I am the resurrection and the life!"  then he ordered Lazarus "Lazarus, Get up!"

And Lazarus stood up, and did a little dance!  The audience said "It's a miracle!"

(Enter Pharisee and guards, exit Lazarus and Martha)

 But the pharisee said "This Jesus is getting a little too dangerous-  we will have to have him killed.  I'll get my broom"

But the guards said "Or... we could crucify him!"

So the guards arrested Jesus, and killed him, nailing him to a cross.

Mary saw Jesus die, and she cried, kissing his feet again.

(Enter people)

She saw people take Jesus down from the cross and lay him in a tomb, and she cried.  Then she went home.

(Exit people, Jesus)

3 days later, she came back to visit the tomb, but when she got there, it was empty!  So she cried.

(Enter Jesus)

Jesus appeared to her and said "Mary!"  She was so excited, she ran and hugged him, and would not let go!  Jesus tired to shake her off, but she clung to him like industrial strength velcro!

Jesus said "Mary, go tell everyone that I am alive!"

So Mary ran to tell the audience that Jesus was alive!  Then Jesus rose up mysteriously into the air and went to Heaven. And even after Jesus went up to heaven, she continued to tell people!  She even got in a boat and went all the way to France!

Mary Magdalene was a sinner who recognized that Jesus was the King, so changed her life, and became one of the greatest saints in history!

Saint Mary Magdalene-  Pray for us!