Joseph of Cupertino

Joseph, Jesus, angels (2), bullies (3), monks (3), inquisition (2), horses (2)

(Enter Joseph, Jesus and Angels on deck)

There once was a man named Joseph.  When Joseph was a kid, he used to pray regularly, and on occasion he would experience something called an “Ecstasy”.  When this happened, he would see visions of Jesus or Angels!  He would become still and smile a big silly smile!

(Enter Bullies)

The school bullies would see Joseph, but not the visions, so they would make fun of him. They would say mean things like “Hey stupid, what are you looking at?”  and “I think he sees visitors from the sky” and “run, Forrest, run!”

(Exit bullies. Jesus and angels, enter monks, horses)

When Joseph got older, he really wanted to be a priest, so he went to the monks, who were busy practicing their monkish singing.  But the monks said “He’s too dumb-  he can’t be a priest!”  Joseph got down on his knees and begged the monks, saying “Please, just let me take care of the horses!” 

So Joseph spent his time feeding the horses.  The horses whinnied with delight as Joseph stroked their mains and patted them on the necks, and they licked the sugar out of his hand.  But the monks said  "Let him write a few tests to see if he could become a priest".  Everyone was shocked when he passed the tests!

(Exit horses)

So Joseph became a priest, and started saying Mass.  But sometimes during Mass he would go into a trance of ecstasy.  Then he started doing something new.  While in his trance he would start hovering off the ground!  The monks would snap him out of it, by yelling at him and waving in front of his face and he would fall back to the ground!

Some of the monks said  “He must be a saint!”

But other monks said “This is witchcraft!”

(Enter the Inquisition)

So they called in the inquisition.

The audience said "No one expects the inquisition!"

The adults in the room chuckled softly, but no one else did because they didn't get the joke.

 The inquisition were men who made sure that everyone believed what the Catholic Church taught. They walked around with their noses up in the air, looking down at everyone and looking for opportunities to judge people. They had big evil eyes, and they stared at everyone with them. Sometimes they were evil, and forced people to say the right answer, on the pain of torture or death!

They cornered Joseph, and asked him tough questions, like "If God can do anything, can He make a wall that He can't climb over?"  and "why do you drive on a parkway but park in a driveway?" and "why were the first two people who saw superman so excited about a bird or a plane?"

Because Joseph was so dumb, he could not answer their questions, so he just said "I don't know".  But the Inquisitors were astounded!  They said "He's right! I guess this means we don't get to torture him."

The crowd was very disappointed. They said "awe, shucks!"

Still, to stop Joseph from flying, they chained him down.  But then while praying, Joseph went into a trance and broke the chains and began flying, and this time all the monks and all the inquisitors saw it, and they were flabbergasted!

Eventually the Church realized that Joseph was a saint.  He is the patron saint of Pilots and astronauts.

St Joseph Cupertino-  Pray for us!