St Damien of Molokai

Damien, Superior, Hawaiian Girl, Bishop. nice lepers (3), mean lepers (3), pig

(Enter Damien)

Damien was a Belgian priest.  As a Belgian, Damien said "I love waffles, chocolate, and beer!"

(Enter superior)

One day the superior in his order said "Damien, I want you to be a missionary in Hawaii."

Damien was very excited. He did a little dance. But he said "Hawaii? Do they have waffles, chocolate and beer?"

The superior winced and said "They're better known for their coconuts, pineapples and Mai Tai." 

Damien looked confused. He asked "What's Mai Tai?"

The superior shrugged and said "I have no idea. It's just in the script."

(Exit superior, enter Hawaiian girl)

When Damien arrived in Hawaii, he was greeted by an extremely attractive Hawaiian girl. She danced up to him, waving her hands and swiveling her hips as she did that Hula. She placed a garland of flowers around his neck. Damien blushed, and said "Wow, I think I'm going to like it here!"

The Hawaiian girl giggled, and Hula'd her way off the stage. 

(Exit Hawaiian girl, enter Bishop)

The Bishop greeted Damien and said "Welcome to Oahu!"

Damien looked around alarmed. "Oahu! Oh no, I thought this was Hawaii!"

The bishop said "Oahu is one of the many Islands of Hawaii, the others are Maui, Molokai..."

Damien grinned and said "I hope to see them all."

The Bishop shook his head. "Well, you won't be going to Molokai."

Damien asked "Why not?"

The Bishop said "It's the home of the lepers."

Damien got excited. He said "Cool! I've never seen a leopard! I saw a tiger once, but never a spotted cat."

The Bishop frowned and said. "Not leopards. Lepers. They have different spots. They live alone on the Island of Molokai so that no one else will catch their disease."

Damien looked concerned, and said "Do they have a priest?"

The Bishop shook his head and said "No- no one can go there. They'll get sick."

Damien put up his hand and said "I'll go!"

The bishop said "Damien, that's very generous. But these people are sick, both physically and spiritually. No one can reach them."

But Damien insisted, saying "Please send me."

(Exit Bishop, Enter Lepers)

When Damien got to Molokai, the lepers approached him like zombies.  Their skin was rotting, they smelled bad, and they groaned as they crept towards him.

But Damien was not afraid. He said "Hey guys, I'm here to help you build up your community!"

One of the lepers said "Why would you help us? We're dying, nobody cares about us."

Damien put his hand on the lepers shoulder and said "God does."

So Damien helped the lepers fix up their houses, and made coffins so that if someone died they could be buried in dignity. One of the nice lepers said "That guy can fix anything!"

But some of the mean lepers said "Who is he to come here and tell us how to live? Let's trash his house!"

(Enter pig)

So when Damien wasn't looking, they grabbed the ugliest, stinkiest pig they could find, and released it in Damien's house.  The pig squealed and snorted and ran around the house, getting mud and poop on everything. 

When Damien saw it, he yelled, and he grabbed the pig, and he cooked it. Then he invited all the lepers, including the mean ones, to share in his meal.

(Exit pig)

Damien treated the lepers with dignity, even when other people treated them with discuss. And he did not judge them. Soon even the mean lepers grew to appreciate him. But one day, Damien realized he himself had leprosy. 

Damien could no longer leave the Island, and he would get sicker and sicker.

(Enter Bishop)

When the Bishop came by on a ship, he would not come ashore. So Damien shouted his confession to the Bishop over the water. 

Damien shouted "Forgive me father for I have sinned!"

The bishop shouted back "I absolve you!"

(Exit bishop)

Damien died of leprosy when he was only 49 years old.

St Damien of Molokai- Pray for us! 

Pope Leo XIV

  Pope Leo XIV, mom, dad, brothers (Louis, John,) Bishop, poor (2), Guerillas (2), soldiers (2), llama, Pope Francis

Enter Pope, mom, dad, brothers

Pope Leo's birth name was Robert Prevost.  He grew up in Chicago, with his mom, Mildred, his dad Louis, and his two brothers Louis and John.

Living in Chicago in the 60's, Roberts family loved baseball, and their favorite team was the Chicago White Sox was their favorite team. The family watched the games together, and cheered when the White Sox did well. The White Sox were one of the best teams in the Major Leagues... but the New York Yankees were better.

His Dad, Louis, yelled at the narrator, saying "Hey!  Don't let my boys hear you saying that!"  Dad pointed a warning finger at the narrator.

The narrator nervously went on reading the script.

Robert also played tennis.  And from the time he was little, he and his brothers would play Mass, pretending to offer the host on the altar. Mom pinched his cheeks and said "I always knew he'd become a priest."  

(Exit Family)

Robert was also very smart. In university, he got a degree in Math and Science, (the audience applauded politely) and then a Masters in Divinity (The audience applauded more), and then a degree in Canon Law. (The audience grew enthusiastic, and applauded saying "Wow!")

But Robert was modest, and he said "Oh, stop. I can almost feel my brain flexing!"

Then he said to the audience "I also taught high school Math and Physics! Anyone want a free lesson? Anyone?"

Everyone in the audience avoided making eye contact. Someone coughed awkwardly.

Disappointed, Robert sighed and said "It's not easy being a math teacher. We have too many problems. If you ask me, without geometry, life is pointless. But I'm over it- like a numerator."

Only the nerdy kids laughed.

(Enter Bishop)

One day a Bishop laid his hands on Robert, and ordained him a priest.  Now Robert could do Mass for real!

(Exit Bishop, enter poor, soldiers, guerillas)

Fr Robert went to Peru to work with the poor.  Peru was violent in those days. Soldiers shot at guerillas, who threw bombs, and yelled "We are the shining path!" The soldiers and the guerillas were all mean to the poor, who huddled near Fr Robert. Fr Robert hugged and consoled them. 

(Exit poor, soldiers and guerillas. Enter llama.)

Fr Robert found a llama, and climbed a mountain with it. The llama spat and said "Yay! I'm a llama again!"

Fr Robert said "Quiet down Cusco. You're not supposed to talk in this story."

When he got to the top of the mountain, Fr Robert saw the famous Machu Pichu. He took a selfie with his llama, flexing for the camera.

The girls in the audience said "Wow Fr Robert! You looks so Machu in that Pichu!"

Fr Robert blushed and said "Ok, girls, I'm a priest you know."

(Exit llama, enter Pope Francis)

One day Fr Robert met Pope Francis. Pope Francis said "You're such a great priest! You should be a bishop!"

Then later Pope Francis said "You should be a cardinal!"

Then a while later Pope Francis said "You should be the guy in charge of appointing other bishops!"

Cardinal Robert pumped his fist, and said to the audience "Ok, I'm going to need some new bishops!"

Then cardinal Robert chose three people from the audience to be bishops and come up on stage.

Then he thought about it some more, and he pointed at one of his bishops and said "Actually, no, go sit down." Then he picked a replacement bishop.

Then Pope Francis died.

(Exit Francis)

Cardinal Robert and the other Bishops (Cardinals) got together in a huddle called a conclave. After a short time, the bishops turned to the audience and declared "Habemus Papam!"

The crowd cheered!  several members of the audience said "That's Latin for 'we have a Pope'!"

Cardinal Robert said "Call me Leo XIV (Fourteen). I choose the name Leo because Leo XIII (thirteen) emphasized the rights of workers and of the poor and I want to further that legacy."

Pope Leo XIV was formally installed as Pope on May 18, 2025

Carlo Acutis

 Carlo, mom, dad, brother, sister, friends, doctor

(Enter Carlo, mom, dad, doctor)

Carlo was born in London in 1991. The doctor carried Carlo to his mother, and placed him in her lap, saying in his British accent "Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Acutis!  You have a beautiful baby boy!"

His mother looked lovingly into his eyes, then threw him over her shoulder to try to burp him. His father said "Mama Mia!"

But Carlo said "No, Mama Mia."  He emphasized the word Mia, because the phrase Mama Mia means my mother in Italian. The narrator explained this to everybody, because the narrator was afraid that otherwise people might not get the joke. An awkward silence ensued.

(Exit doctor, enter brother and sister)

Carlo and his family returned to Milan, Italy, where they had two more kids, twins, a boy and a girl.

Carlo hugged his siblings, saying "I've been praying for you since before you were born!"

His siblings said "Um, thanks," and gave him a thumbs up.

Carlo and his family enjoyed watching movies together. By the time he was a teenager, Carlo's favorite movie was Disney's "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe."  Carlo cheered!  Then he explained to the audience "You see, I love watching movies, but I only want to watch ones that are good for my soul. The Lion in Narnia represents Jesus, and how he defeated evil by dying for us."

Everyone in the audience nodded, and said in unison "What a great policy Carlo! We too will only watch movies that are uplifting to us, both emotionally and spiritually!"

Peter was delighted, because he believed they really meant it.

(Exit family, enter friends)

Milan was a city known for fashion, finance, art, and above all- soccer. But they called it 'football'.

Carlo played soccer with his friends. He passed the ball to one of his friends, and his friend tried to kick a goal but missed. His other friends made fun of him, saying 'loser!'.

But Carlo just said "Hey good try, don't sweat it!"

After the game, Carlo said "hey guys, you wanna come over? I got the new Fifa game on playstation!"

His friends said "yeah, let's go!"

But Carlo said "But we can only play for an hour!  Then I'm gonna go to Mass."

His friends said "Mass? It's Wednesday!"

Carlo said "Yeah, I try to go everyday! And pray my rosary."

His friends said "You're a saint!"

Carlo said "Maybe, but I'm still gonna destroy you on play station."

(Exit friends, enter mom)

One evening, Carlo's mom found him working on his computer. She said "Carlo, what are you working on?"

Carlo explained "I'm building a website about Eucharistic miracles."

Mom laughed. "What do you mean?"

Carlo smiled. "In Argentina a few years ago a priest discovered blood coming from a communion host. He didn't know what to make of it, so he called in experts, who sent it away to labs to find out why the host was bleeding. Turned out the host was a piece of human flesh- human heart- taken from a man who suffered trauma. And it was still alive!  Modern science has proven that communion really is Jesus!"

His mom was flabbergasted. She said "You know, Carlo, I don't have nearly as much faith as you do. But you have really inspired me to want to come closer to Jesus."

(Enter father and Doctor)

Soon afterwards, Carlo started getting very sick. The doctor who examined him said, in a ridiculous Italian accent.  "Your son-a, he has- a Leukemia. It is very advanced-a!  He is going to die!"

His parents were shocked!  His father said "Son, does it hurt much?"

Carlo wheezed, and said "Yes, but I offer all the suffering I will have to suffer for the Lord, for the Pope, and the Church.” 

Mom cried. "But Carlo, you're going to die!"

Carlo smiled. “I’m happy to die because I’ve lived my life without wasting even a minute on things that don’t please God.”

Then he died.  Carlo died at only 15 years old, in 2006. 

Carlo Acutis was to be canonized- officially declared a saint after performing two miracles after death- on April 27, 2025. However due to Pope Francis' death, his canonization has been postponed. His website is still maintained and has been translated into more than 18 languages!

Carlo Acutis- Pray for us!

Jezebel

 Jezebel

This is a bible story- not a saint story!

Jezebel, Ahab, Prophets of Ba-al (3) , Elijah, Jehu, Horses (2), Dogs(2), servants(2), Naboth, scum bags (2), Phoenicians

(Enter Jezebel, Phoenicians)

There once was a woman named Jezebel. Jezebel was a Phoenician.  Phoenicians invented the alphabet!  So Jezebel and the Phoenicians spent their days, singing the alphabet. They also invented purple die. Jezebel and the Phoenicians would go to the sea, find a particular sea snail, and squeeze the mucus out of it to die their clothes.

(Enter Ahab)

One day, Ahab came to town. Ahab was the king of Israel, and Jezebel knew that if she impressed him she could get a lot of power. So she said to the Phoenicians "Quick, get me a snail!"

The Phoenicians brought her a snail. and she squeezed it's mucus out, and rubbed it on her eyes.  Then she approached Ahab, and batted her beautiful painted eyes, and said "Hey there big boy. Are you looking for a lover? Because I'm available!"

Ahab could not believe his luck!  Even though he was the king, he was a weak man. So he said "Yes, my love. You will be my queen."

Jezebel cackled like a witch.

(Exit Phoenicians.)

But Jezebel said "listen, Ahab, Phoenicians don't worship the LORD. We worship Ba-al. Let me bring my prophets of Ba-al."

Ahab said "Yes, my love."

(Enter prophets of Ba-al)

The prophets of Ba-al came, and they danced around in circles, singing pagan songs of praise to Ba'al.

(Enter Elijah)

Elijah said "Ba-al is a false god with no power!"

The prophets of Ba-al said "Oh no you didn't! Ba-al has way more power than your God!"

So they decided to have a show down.

The prophets of Ba-al danced with more and more enthusiasm, calling for fire to come, but nothing happened.

Elijah laughed and said "C'mon prophets! Dance harder! Maybe he can't hear you! Maybe he's sleeping! Maybe he's on the toilet!"

The prophets of Ba-al said "Fine Elijah, show us what your God can do."

Elijah grinned. He said "Lord! Reveal your power!"

Suddenly a fire ball came down from heaven! The audience provided the sound affects.

The prophets of Ba-al trembled with fear, and Ahab said "Kill those false prophets!" 

So audience threw rocks at them until they died.

(Exit prophets of Ba-al)

But Jezebel said "What have you done!" Pointing a finger at Elijah she said "I'll get you, my pretty- and your little dog too!" Then she cackled like a witch, while Elijah ran away.

(Exit Elijah, Enter Naboth)

Some time later, Ahab was talking to a man called Naboth.  Ahab said "you have a nice vineyard. Can I buy it from you?"

But Naboth said "Sorry, it's not for sale."

(Exit Naboth)

Ahab was pouting because he couldn't get the vineyard. 

Jezebel looked at him in disgust and said "Are you the king or not? I'll get you that vineyard."

So she called for the scumbags.

(Enter scumbags)

Jezebel said "Here's what I want you to do." Then she whispered something, and then cackled like a witch.

The Scumbags rubbed their hands together and cackled as well.

(Exit Jezebel, enter Naboth) 

So the scumbags brought Naboth before the audience, and said "This man committed treason against the king and cursed the LORD!"

Naboth looked bewildered and said "No I didn't!"

But the audience booed, and threw rocks at him until he was dead. 

(Exit scumbags, Naboth, enter Jezebel and Ahab.)

Jezebel said "See, now you can have your vineyard!"

Ahab was so excited, he did a dance, while Jezebel cackled like a witch.

Then Ahab died.

(Exit Ahab, enter Jehu)

Jehu said "I have come to bring justice on the house of Ahab!  I will kill everyone in his family!"

The audience cheered. Someone said "Wow, the Bible is so violent!"

Jezebel screamed, and ran to a castle to protect herself. She painted her eyes again, and looked out the window at Jehu and said in her most attractive voice "Hey there king slayer! Are you looking for me?"

But Jehu said "If anyone is on my side, throw her down!"

(Enter servants)

Two servants grabbed Jezebel, and threw her out the window. She screamed and fell to her death.

(Enter horses and dogs)

While her body was lying there, horses trampled on her, and Dogs came and ate her body.

Jehu became the next king of Israel.

Athaliah

 Athaliah (G), Jezebel (G) , Ahab (B), Joram (B), Ahaziah (B), Elijah (B), Elisha (B), new kings (2B), Jehu (B), rest of the family (3), servants (3), dogs (2), Joash (B), Jehosheba (G), priest

(Enter Athaliah)

Once upon a time, there was a princess, named Athaliah. Athaliah flitted about like a delicate princess and sang a song to the passing birds.

(Enter Ahab, Jezebel, and Ahaziah)

Her father, Ahab, was the king of Samaria. He was a weak and sniveling man, who said to everyone "Whatever you want, dear."

Jezebel was a very beautiful and powerful Phoenician woman. She traipsed around in her lovely, purple robes, and she wore jewels, and lots and lots of makeup.  But she was evil. She said "Everyone must worship Baal! Kill the prophets of God!"  Then she cackled like a witch.

Seeing her mother cackle, Athaliah imitated her, and cackled herself.

(Enter Elijah and Elisha) One day two prophets confronted the royal family.  Elijah said, "God will punish you for your evil ways!"

Elisha shook his fist and said "Yeah!  What he said!"

Suddenly Elijah was taken away in a whirlwind. (Exit Elijah)

Seeing that his friend was gone, Elisha looked sheepish and said "Um, excuse me." and snuck away.

(Exit Elisha, Enter Joram)

King Ahab said "Athaliah, I have a husband for you!  This is King Joram of Jerusalem!"

Joram flexed and tried to impress the princess, but when he looked at her, he was amazed and how beautiful she was. He stared at her, and said "you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!  How my lips long to kiss yours!"

But Athaliah moved away from him, and looked at Jezebel and said "Mom, seriously?"

But Jezebel said "Marry him! Then I'll be queen of Samaria, and you'll be queen of Jerusalem!  We'll be unstoppable!"

The two women cackled together.

King Ahab said "Wonderful! It's all arranged then."

To celebrate their union, Athaliah and Joram danced a traditional wedding dance together.

But it was not all sunshine and rainbows. Elijah's curse started taking affect!

First Ahab went to war, doing his weak man battle cry.  He was shot in the back with an arrow and bled to death in his chariot.

(Exit Ahab)

Then, Athaliah's brother Ahaziah fell from a roof, and died of his injuries.

(Exit Ahaziah)

Then her husband, Joram, got some sort of bowel disease. He pooped and pooped and pooped until he was all pooped out. He pooped himself to death.

  (Exit Joram. Enter new kings, Jehu, rest of the family)

Samaria and Jerusalem both appointed new kings, and everyone started chanting 'Love live the kings!'

(Enter Elisha) But Elisha came back.  He went over to Jehu, whispered something, and gave him a blessing.  Jehu went on a rampage!  First, he killed one king, then another. The rest of the family ran off and hid.

(Exit everyone but Jezebel. Enter servants)

Jezebel made it to a city, and went up into a high tower, protected by her servants. 

(Enter Jehu) Jehu came ride in on his chariot, driving like a maniac. 

Jezebel put on her eye makeup, made herself look beautiful, and looked out the window. She said "Hey there big boy! Are you looking for me?"

But Jehu called to the servants and said "Hey!  Which of you are on my side?"

All three servants raised their hands. 

Jehu said, "Throw that woman out the window!"

So, the servants did. Jezebel fell to her death. 

The smartest kid in the audience said, "it's a classic example of defenestration".

(Enter dogs)

Dogs came in and ate Jezebels body, everything but the hands.

Jehu flexed and said, "Now I'm the king of Samaria!"

(Exit everyone, enter Athaliah, Rest of family, Joash and Jehosheba)

But the rest of the family all shrugged and said, "But who will be king of Jerusalem?"

Athaliah cackled and said "I will be Queen!  I'll kill you all!"

The rest of the family gasped and said, "But you're our grandma!"

Meanwhile, Jehosheba picked up baby Joash, and carried him away. 

(Exit Jehosheba and Joash)

Queen Athaliah killed the rest of the family, then said "I am Queen of Jerusalem!"

The audience gasped.

Athaliah cackled and was an evil queen.

(Exit Athaliah, enter priest and Joash.)

Six years later, a priest introduced Joash to the audience. The priest said, "This child is the true king of Jerusalem!"

The crowd cheered, and started chanting "Long live the king!"

(Enter Athaliah) But when Athaliah heard the commotion, she came into the temple and said "What is this! This is treason!"

(Enter servants)

But the priest pointed at Athaliah and said, "Arrest this usurper!"

The servants grabbed Athaliah, and dragged her out of the temple, and chopped her head off.

Joash became king and was an ancestor of Jesus.