St Damien of Molokai

Damien, Superior, Hawaiian Girl, Bishop. nice lepers (3), mean lepers (3), pig

(Enter Damien)

Damien was a Belgian priest.  As a Belgian, Damien said "I love waffles, chocolate, and beer!"

(Enter superior)

One day the superior in his order said "Damien, I want you to be a missionary in Hawaii."

Damien was very excited. He did a little dance. But he said "Hawaii? Do they have waffles, chocolate and beer?"

The superior winced and said "They're better known for their coconuts, pineapples and Mai Tai." 

Damien looked confused. He asked "What's Mai Tai?"

The superior shrugged and said "I have no idea. It's just in the script."

(Exit superior, enter Hawaiian girl)

When Damien arrived in Hawaii, he was greeted by an extremely attractive Hawaiian girl. She danced up to him, waving her hands and swiveling her hips as she did that Hula. She placed a garland of flowers around his neck. Damien blushed, and said "Wow, I think I'm going to like it here!"

The Hawaiian girl giggled, and Hula'd her way off the stage. 

(Exit Hawaiian girl, enter Bishop)

The Bishop greeted Damien and said "Welcome to Oahu!"

Damien looked around alarmed. "Oahu! Oh no, I thought this was Hawaii!"

The bishop said "Oahu is one of the many Islands of Hawaii, the others are Maui, Molokai..."

Damien grinned and said "I hope to see them all."

The Bishop shook his head. "Well, you won't be going to Molokai."

Damien asked "Why not?"

The Bishop said "It's the home of the lepers."

Damien got excited. He said "Cool! I've never seen a leopard! I saw a tiger once, but never a spotted cat."

The Bishop frowned and said. "Not leopards. Lepers. They have different spots. They live alone on the Island of Molokai so that no one else will catch their disease."

Damien looked concerned, and said "Do they have a priest?"

The Bishop shook his head and said "No- no one can go there. They'll get sick."

Damien put up his hand and said "I'll go!"

The bishop said "Damien, that's very generous. But these people are sick, both physically and spiritually. No one can reach them."

But Damien insisted, saying "Please send me."

(Exit Bishop, Enter Lepers)

When Damien got to Molokai, the lepers approached him like zombies.  Their skin was rotting, they smelled bad, and they groaned as they crept towards him.

But Damien was not afraid. He said "Hey guys, I'm here to help you build up your community!"

One of the lepers said "Why would you help us? We're dying, nobody cares about us."

Damien put his hand on the lepers shoulder and said "God does."

So Damien helped the lepers fix up their houses, and made coffins so that if someone died they could be buried in dignity. One of the nice lepers said "That guy can fix anything!"

But some of the mean lepers said "Who is he to come here and tell us how to live? Let's trash his house!"

(Enter pig)

So when Damien wasn't looking, they grabbed the ugliest, stinkiest pig they could find, and released it in Damien's house.  The pig squealed and snorted and ran around the house, getting mud and poop on everything. 

When Damien saw it, he yelled, and he grabbed the pig, and he cooked it. Then he invited all the lepers, including the mean ones, to share in his meal.

(Exit pig)

Damien treated the lepers with dignity, even when other people treated them with discuss. And he did not judge them. Soon even the mean lepers grew to appreciate him. But one day, Damien realized he himself had leprosy. 

Damien could no longer leave the Island, and he would get sicker and sicker.

(Enter Bishop)

When the Bishop came by on a ship, he would not come ashore. So Damien shouted his confession to the Bishop over the water. 

Damien shouted "Forgive me father for I have sinned!"

The bishop shouted back "I absolve you!"

(Exit bishop)

Damien died of leprosy when he was only 49 years old.

St Damien of Molokai- Pray for us! 

Pope Leo XIV

  Pope Leo XIV, mom, dad, brothers (Louis, John,) Bishop, poor (2), Guerillas (2), soldiers (2), llama, Pope Francis

Enter Pope, mom, dad, brothers

Pope Leo's birth name was Robert Prevost.  He grew up in Chicago, with his mom, Mildred, his dad Louis, and his two brothers Louis and John.

Living in Chicago in the 60's, Roberts family loved baseball, and their favorite team was the Chicago White Sox was their favorite team. The family watched the games together, and cheered when the White Sox did well. The White Sox were one of the best teams in the Major Leagues... but the New York Yankees were better.

His Dad, Louis, yelled at the narrator, saying "Hey!  Don't let my boys hear you saying that!"  Dad pointed a warning finger at the narrator.

The narrator nervously went on reading the script.

Robert also played tennis.  And from the time he was little, he and his brothers would play Mass, pretending to offer the host on the altar. Mom pinched his cheeks and said "I always knew he'd become a priest."  

(Exit Family)

Robert was also very smart. In university, he got a degree in Math and Science, (the audience applauded politely) and then a Masters in Divinity (The audience applauded more), and then a degree in Canon Law. (The audience grew enthusiastic, and applauded saying "Wow!")

But Robert was modest, and he said "Oh, stop. I can almost feel my brain flexing!"

Then he said to the audience "I also taught high school Math and Physics! Anyone want a free lesson? Anyone?"

Everyone in the audience avoided making eye contact. Someone coughed awkwardly.

Disappointed, Robert sighed and said "It's not easy being a math teacher. We have too many problems. If you ask me, without geometry, life is pointless. But I'm over it- like a numerator."

Only the nerdy kids laughed.

(Enter Bishop)

One day a Bishop laid his hands on Robert, and ordained him a priest.  Now Robert could do Mass for real!

(Exit Bishop, enter poor, soldiers, guerillas)

Fr Robert went to Peru to work with the poor.  Peru was violent in those days. Soldiers shot at guerillas, who threw bombs, and yelled "We are the shining path!" The soldiers and the guerillas were all mean to the poor, who huddled near Fr Robert. Fr Robert hugged and consoled them. 

(Exit poor, soldiers and guerillas. Enter llama.)

Fr Robert found a llama, and climbed a mountain with it. The llama spat and said "Yay! I'm a llama again!"

Fr Robert said "Quiet down Cusco. You're not supposed to talk in this story."

When he got to the top of the mountain, Fr Robert saw the famous Machu Pichu. He took a selfie with his llama, flexing for the camera.

The girls in the audience said "Wow Fr Robert! You looks so Machu in that Pichu!"

Fr Robert blushed and said "Ok, girls, I'm a priest you know."

(Exit llama, enter Pope Francis)

One day Fr Robert met Pope Francis. Pope Francis said "You're such a great priest! You should be a bishop!"

Then later Pope Francis said "You should be a cardinal!"

Then a while later Pope Francis said "You should be the guy in charge of appointing other bishops!"

Cardinal Robert pumped his fist, and said to the audience "Ok, I'm going to need some new bishops!"

Then cardinal Robert chose three people from the audience to be bishops and come up on stage.

Then he thought about it some more, and he pointed at one of his bishops and said "Actually, no, go sit down." Then he picked a replacement bishop.

Then Pope Francis died.

(Exit Francis)

Cardinal Robert and the other Bishops (Cardinals) got together in a huddle called a conclave. After a short time, the bishops turned to the audience and declared "Habemus Papam!"

The crowd cheered!  several members of the audience said "That's Latin for 'we have a Pope'!"

Cardinal Robert said "Call me Leo XIV (Fourteen). I choose the name Leo because Leo XIII (thirteen) emphasized the rights of workers and of the poor and I want to further that legacy."

Pope Leo XIV was formally installed as Pope on May 18, 2025