St Patrick

St Patrick

Patrick, pirates (2), Pigs (2) British (2) Irish (2), Druids (2), snakes (2)

(Opening scene- enter Patrick, British)

St Patrick was born in England, in the fourth century.  He always spoke with a British accent as he greeted people, saying “Good day old chap!”. The brits would say "ello Govenor" or "tea time" depending on how rich they were.

(Enter Pirates)  Along came pirates, who said piraty things like "Arrr" and "Yohoho and a bottle of rum" and "We don't do anything"  They kidnapped Patrick, throwing him over their shoulder and saying "We got the booty!"  The audience laughed, but the narrator resisted the urge to make an inappropriate joke, because the skit was happening at youth group. They took him to the land of Ireland.

(Scene Change, exit British, enter Irish, druids, pigs)

Everyone greeted him with an Irish accent, saying “Top o’ the morning to ya!” Ireland was the land of the druids-  a kind of wizard. One was named Dumbledor, and another Hagrid, and they kept saying to Patrick "You're a wizard, Harry!"  They worshiped things like the sun and moon, bowing and saying "Oh, mighty orbs in the sky!" and fire saying "Oh, mighty powerful fire, consumer of all consumables!" and twigs saying "Oh mighty twig, ye are so mighty and, uh twig like."

The Irish bought  Patrick from the Pirates, and he was made a slave, and had to feed the pigs.  The pigs would eat out of Patrick's hand, then lick his hand, then sniff him for more food.

(Scene change, exit Irish, druids, pigs, enter British)

One day Patrick escaped, and made it back to England, where people once more greeted him in British, saying “Good day old chap!”  Patrick studied hard, and became a priest.  One night he had a dream, where the people of Ireland (Irish appear in a dreamlike fashion) said “Come back to us and preach again!” (Irish disappear)

(Scene change- British exit, Irish and Druids enter)

So Patrick returned to Ireland, where he had been a slave, but now he was a Bishop!  The crowd applauded!  The Irish were so happy, they did a little jig!  But the druids were mad.   They said “Ya really ought be worshiping the stars like we do!”

In order to get a really good look at the stars, the druids made a rule that for several nights no one was allowed to light a fire or any candles.  But Patrick and his Irish friends disobeyed, and lit a big bonfire!  The druids came and confronted him, saying “What did you do that for!  Put it out!” 

Patrick said “If you don’t like it, you put it out!”

So the druids took a bucket of water, and tried to dump it on the fire- but the water would not come out of the bucket!  The druids were astonished-  they trembled in fear!  They fell to their knees and said  “We will worship Patrick’s Gods!”

But Patrick said “Actually, I only have one God-  but he’s three persons.  Kind of like a clover has three leaves but is one.”

The crowd said “Ohhhh”  and nodded their heads in a knowing way.

(enter snakes)

After that Patrick did another miracle-  he told the snakes to leave Ireland, and they slithered away, diving into the ocean!  And there are no snakes in Ireland to this day. (exit snakes)

Eventually Patrick converted even the druids to Catholicism!

Patrick died on March 17^th, and he is celebrated as the patron of Ireland, and is traditionally thought to be the keeper of purgatory.

St Patrick-  Pray for us!