This blog is comprised of Saint of the Week stories I have been writing for my youth groups in Rocky Mountain House and Sylvan Lake. Each week we act out the life of another saint in what is called a "Spontaneous Melodrama." Choose volunteer actors for each role in the story, then read the story, pausing when necessary to let the actors say their lines. This is a dynamic and fun way to learn the stories of the saints, although sometimes historical precision is sacrificed for flow. Feel free to try this in your group!

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Joan of Arc

Joan of Arc, British (3), French (3), Burgundians (3), Charles, Jacques, Isabelle, St Michael, Baudricourt, general, Bishop Cauchon 


(Enter British, French)


This saint's life takes place during the 100 years war, in 15th century France.  In Those days the British had invaded France and declared in British accents "This land now belongs to the king of England.  Now let's all celebrate with tea!"


The French were outraged, and said in ridiculous French accents, gesturing with their hands  "Non!  Ve must not drink ze tea!  Jean Pierre, pour me some wine!"


But the British said "How about fish and chips?"


(Enter the Burgundians) 


But the Burgundians sang like the French chef from the Little Mermaid "les poisson, les poisson, how I love les poisson!"  and they shook hands with the British.


The French said "What are you doing?  You are French like us!"


And so the the French fought valiantly against the combined forces of the British and the Burgundians.  But they lost important land like Paris and Reims.


The Burgundians said "nananana boo boo!  We've captured Reims!  Now you can't crown Charles king!"


(Enter Charles)


Charles cried because he was so sad, so the French hugged him and stroked his hair.  Charles said "Since I cannot be king, I will be known as the Dauphin!" 


The British sniggered saying "Dauphin-  doesn't that mean Dolphin?"


And so Charles entertained them with his best Dolphin impersonation.


The narrator pointed out that the British should not find it so funny that the heir to the French throne is called "The Dolphin." After all, the heir to the British throne is the prince of Wales!  


The audience laughed politely at the narrators clever observation.


(Clear the stage.  Enter Joan, Jacques, Isabelle,)


There was a young peasant girl named Joan of Arc.  She lived with her parents, Jacques and Isabelle. 


(Enter Burgundians)


One day the Burgundians ran across the stage, burning Joan's village, while Joan and her family hugged each other and trembled with fear.  (Exit Burgundians)


(Enter St Michael)


Then one day, St Michael appeared to Joan.  He flexed his angelic muscles to show how powerful he was. He said "Joan, God has chosen you to lead the armies of France, lift the siege of Orleans, and crown Charles as king!"


But Joan said "I'm just an illiterate teenage girl!  I don't even know how to ride a horse!"


But St Michael disappeared. 


(exit Michael, Jacques and Isabelle.  Enter Baudricourt)


So Joan went to the local leader, Baudricourt, and said "God has chosen me to lead the French army! Take me to the dauphin!"


(enter Dauphin, French)


Baudricourt was so impressed with Joan, that he brought her to the Dauphin.  The Dauphin said "let me speak privately with this girl"


So Charles and Joan whispered something to each other. Then the Dauphin said "This girl knows stuff she could not possibly know!  I am putting her in charge of the French army!"


(exit Charles, Enter General)


When the General heard this he was angry.  He said "Who puts a teenage girl in charge of an army? I've been fighting this war for my whole life!"  Then to Joan he said "We'll put you at the front-  you can be our mascot- but you're not in charge!"


So the general, Baudricourt, the French, and Joan all got on imaginary horses, and began riding to Orleans to fight the British. 


(Enter British)


When the British saw the French coming, they said  "Kill the maid at the front!"


So they started firing arrows at Joan. One of them hit her right in through the shoulder!  She fell off her horse!  Baudricourt took care of her while the general and the French battled the British with swords.  The battle was very quiet, so the audience could hear the narrator.  But the French were losing badly!


Joan said "Break the arrow head off!"


Baudricourt said "It'll hurt too much!"


But Joan said "Do it!" 


So Baudricourt obeyed.  Then Joan said "Pull out the arrow!"


Baudricourt said "You'll bleed to death!" 


So Joan pulled the arrow out of her own shoulder!  Then she got on her horse, and charged into the battle!  The British were defeated, and they ran away!


(Enter Charles, Bishop) 


Because of the victories of the French, the Bishop was able to Crown Charles!  The French applauded. Charles said "Joan, I owe you my crown!"


(Exit Charles, Bishop, enter Burgundians.)


But the French continued to fight battles with the Burgundians.  In one battle, Joan was captured, while the French ran away!


(exit French, Baudricourt, general, enter British, Bishop)


Joan was brought to trial with the British and Bishop Cauchon. Bishop Cauchon snorted like a pig.


Bishop Cauchon said "Joan, you say you heard voices, and by their power you conquered the British army.  You also dress like a soldier, and soldiers are men, so... you must be a witch!"


One of the British said "She turned me into a newt!  I got better..."


Cauchon said "I sentence you to be burned at the stake as a witch!"


So the British tied Joan to a stake, and burned her alive.  Her last words were "Jesus, I love you."


St Joan of Arc, pray for us!


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